Left. Right. Up. Down. Where to go?
Ever have a situation in your life shake shit up so much that you feel like everything you think you knew, and thought you believed was all tossed back into the air at once?
Concrete theologies, certainties...blown to bits and your mind, rapidly and persistent, tries to understand what the hell is going on.
I'm not sure anymore. What do I believe? What is right? What is worth it? What is my truth?
Figuring it out...I guess.
I haven't let the stream out in awhile...when did this all start?...I still don't know how I feel about Thailand, and everyone keeps asking...work today felt great...New York has my respect...I don't want to be the face of other people's shit anymore, therefore no I'm not applying...I love my sister...my Mom passes judgments, but she's learning to apologize...Jason is the best friend for real...I wish Bethany was around...in another space and time, it could have happened...Kombucha would be nice right now...red wine fucked my stomach up... I want to feel sexy...acknowledgment...is needing attention bad, or normal?...I'm getting sick of Facebook updates...sometimes I get scared when I check pages in Twitter...I feel overwhelmed, not because of work, but because of my brain...I want to go see Rudi's bedroom...one day he told me I was a genuis who thought too much, that's why I had anxiety...he's fucking right...sex...passion...lost to be found somewhere...money comes when most crucial...relationships are hard work, every type...need a vacation...need to sit down...mad at myself for not finishing the memoir...Jeremiah's one liners...Jean-Pierre's man crib...this long curly hair...balance being honest about my life and keeping enough hidden to suffice others...this writing is probably the most therapy I've had in months...working out again...feeling better, while feeling worse...why did he ask about soul mates?...leave me alone...Natalie Imbruglia "Torn"...feels like I am once again having to prove myself, just a different scenario...be here, now...i am...real talk...letting out...let me.
