Those readers who have been here for awhile know that through the years, particularly while traveling, that I have been in long distance relationships. One, in particular, that spanned half of my time in Japan and the duration of my time in Thailand.
Single now, since March, I find myself in a seesaw during this rejuvenation period. Up: I flirt with the intensity of a million warriors. I understand, respect, and appreciate the freedom of being able to do what I want, when I want, how I want, and with who I want (if I choose to) without the say so from someone else. I also am able to delegate my energy how I see fit. Down: I miss the comfort, support, love, and feeling (yes, that feeling) of one man in my life. I too respect, understand, and appreciate, the comfort of a love, or lover.
Where's the balance?
I'm at a scary point in my life right now. Scary in that, within the next few months my dreams will be coming true on some massive scales. And although I do believe that the women are definitely the natural born multi-taskers of the sexes, I feel as though I'm turning into the issue I had with my ex: not wanting to give over my energy, love, and time. I told him, during the days approaching our demise.
"As an entrepreneur I respect your hustle. As your girlfriend, I hate its guts."
He was a machine. For the woman who juggles a million things at once, including a travel movement, that's a lot to say.
Yet, and still, with the irony of life, I (now) understand more and more where he was in his life because I feel as though I may be there right now. There are guys, two in particular, who have caught my attention. And as much as I'd love to go there with either, there is an apprehension I feel.
I know how deep I fall in love. I know how powerful it is. I know how all consuming it can be and it's becoming daily now that I ask myself if I'm willing to give that type if energy over to a relationship, in any kind of near future.
With that, one would require the long distance component again. I'm used to that set up, but not in the context of having to start off that way. Our foundation would have to be built from two different countries.
A glimpse into my life.
reflection of a previous relationship's demise...
