"If you say you're bored, it's actually that you're boring. The world doesn't make you boring. You need to go in the bathroom, look yourself in the mirror, and say "You're not being a good friend to me today. I am going to have to leave you here, while I go find someone else to play with. You're a bad friend."

"My friend was having sex with her boyfriend and her Nuvoring came out. How awkward would that be?"

"Your boobs are huge. You should get a breast reduction. I had one."