I've learned a huge lesson over the last 5 days.
I have a fear of failing...especially failing at something I want, publicly.
Since beginning the fundraiser, I feel like I've posted myself on the edge of a ledge. Beneath me I face, the distance idea, and lurking moments of doubt. Whispers of "What if you can't do it? What if you don't make the money in time? What if no one supports you? It's all a pipe dream, you are alone. $5,000 in 45 days...good luck homie." These thoughts creep underneath my skin, and I fight them off, every second of every day. And I think I will until WE have reached that goal, or surpassed it on May 24th.
There is a sense of groundlessness when you have to ask others for help. I'm a control freak. A number of friends call me Superwoman, and I'd be lying if I didn't sometimes feel that an 'S' was emblazoned on my chest. It's because I usually do everything alone. And now I have something. Something riding so high. Something I am fighting so hard for, and I simply CANNOT do it alone. Interesting position for a nomad to be in. Humbling as well.
Fear. It's such a bitch when she rears her head.
But then I look up!
Up there, I see success and knowing that not only will I reach my goal, but surpass because it is the destiny I have called on in the Universe. Ask and you shall receive. Believe it and you will conceive it! This is the place where my thoughts are usually birthed from...up there. Up there, I see Berlin, Thailand, Morrocco, Italy, France, the world as my playground and Nomad•ness as my vessel.
You guys, this is my dream. This is the opportunity to realy kick off my dream.
I had a meeting with my Producer on Wednesday morning and I'm going to let you all into a little secret. She's an even bigger dreamer than I, and that is why I love her! We want to raise more than $5000! Why? Because she wants to not only go to Berlin, but to shoot 5 countries, an ENTIRE Nomad•ness package, in one month. There is a target number, greater than $5,000 that I have my eye on. If I hit it, the flood gates have officially opened, I will fall backwards, and allow the Universe to catch me!
Time to soar to new heights! Letting go...