Last night, I was woken up out of sleep by one of the few people who can get away with that and still make me smile...my best friend Bethany.
Not only did I welcome the words and wisdom of a doctor, but it was nice to hear from home. We spoke about the recent turn in healthful events and different ways to help knock it out, until I get checked up on Friday.
Yet, at a point the conversation changed slightly and taped right into the core of something I've had lingering underneath it all for awhile now.
As my Dad sent to me via text "Umm. You may want to consider bringing your ass home."
He was the second person to bring it up. Bethany was now the third.
It was less a directly health related reason, but moreso a call for perspective.
What am I doing here? What am I getting out of it that I haven't already?
I'm not getting paid for this trip in anyway, as you all know in my plea for donations and photography purchases. I am now in a place where every two weeks I have to leave the country for a visa run ($30 a pop), just to be able to come back and stay here, for the sake of this project's timeline. Not mine.
Wait, what?
I'm not sure where the reciprocation is anymore. I'm not sure where the allure of having adventure and promotion be the only payoffs went, especially now that I am legitimately sick.
What's it worth? The debt. The sickness. The main payoff I see right now, is the ability to have met some amazing men. Some of which I can see long term friendships with.
I can understand the purpose for someone who hasn't traveled on their own before...but I have, and still prefer too. And truthfully, if I was on my own schedule, I would have left Thailand by now and probably would have been in Vietnam somewhere.
After going to Cambodia, in my mind, I was set. That was my TADA! I'm good.
The idea of two more months of being here, just to be here, flooding all my resources just doesn't sound appealing to me.
In regards to Jet Set Zero, I have completed the task they search for in the crew. Find a home and a job within 90 days. That was accomplished around Day 15.
So here I am. Trying to get healthy, and gain some perspective on the next move.
Time for an honest discourse with self.
