Peep what happens when Tyler and I go on our day trip to Ayutthaya, Thailand.
The saga continues...(still weird watching these. Looking at it as practive for the bigger picture.)
Viewing entries tagged
Jet Set Zero
Yea, yea I know, it's been a year and a half since I last posted and was a part of the Jet Set Zero camp. 1.5 years later they just dropped the first episode from the season I was on... I have to laugh at this. So much has changed. So much growth has occured. It's crazy even thinking about it all. When I found out it was coming out my heart started racing...namely because I'm o far beyond this point in my life.
1.5 years ago I was:
- Dealing with the death of oneof my best friend's, Rudi (2 months before being on Jet Set Zero)
- In love and in a relationship with Nel (we have been broken up for almost a year now)
- In a serious place of despise with Tyler (if I saw him now on the street, I'd actually say hello with a clear heart)
- Heavier in the heart, due to all I was going through
So what makes this weird, is not the seeing yourself in the 3rd person, but all the things that have changed since then.
I also find it quite ironic that they chose to launch this now..but as they say in Japanese (Shogonai).
Sometimes life hits people with real shit. I don't know how else to say it. This weekend isn't about promoting bags, or even blasting Berlin right now because I got a phone call that shook me to the core less than a week ago.
Many of you will remember Jeremiah from my time in Thailand, with Jet Set Zero towards the end of 2010. Close to my heart, I shared everything from food, to Thailand, to a bed with this young man. The trailer of our season is posted below to jog some memories. He's the one laying on the tiger.
Season 8 - Thailand (Teaser) from Jet Set Zero on Vimeo.
Jeremiah called me on Saturday night, while I was leaving Rudi's memorial BBQ in CT, to notify me that his house had burned to the ground earlier that afternoon, destroying everything his family had and killing his two dogs.
Sadly, I can say I know about this first hand as the same thing happened to me but as a very young child. I couldn't imagine it as an adult.
Jeremiah has tough pride. He tried to go without eating for days in Thailand, while I did everything but shove food down his throat, because of lack of money. The kid hates asking for help....so I'm going to for him.
I waited to post this today because Friday tends to be the universal pay day. If you can PLEASE Pay Pal/Donate anything over to him and his family it'd be greatly appreciated. ANYTHING! I'm working on getting an address where things like clothes can be sent. I'll keep you all posted.
I need you all to send this information far and wide!
The Pay Pal email address that will get right to them is: ortnerjeremiah@yahoo.com
Send whatever amount you can there as soon as possible!
Thank you all so much. Note, this will be the story/blog I push the most this weekend because of the urgency. Below is a posted local newspaper article, with photos of the damage. This family is going through it right now. Please help!
PS. Talking to Jeremiah, after the emotion of losing his dogs, the second thing he brings up is his passport. One of the reasons I love this kid. Travelers understand that. Love you Jeremiah!
So, you all saw my pleas for Dengue Fever to be done with. You read about the drama. Vicariously through blogs, travel photos, and videos you followed me on my journey with the crew of Jet Set Zero TV. The only female in a cast of four, we lived life in Chiang Mai, Thailand witnessing the beautiful, the ugly, and craziness that was our lives.
Todays fundraising day is JET SET ZERO Day! To launch it, above is the trailer for my season. Watch it, watch it again. Let it soak in because it's time to get the first glimpse at the roommates, the country, the experience. Jet Set Zero Season 8: Thailand baby!
Again, thank you guys for the support! You have seen step by step what I'm trying to build. It's projects like mine and Jet Set Zero that helps level the playing field. Check it out and pass it on!
Donate to my fundraiser HERE! Please!
As an Aries, I am an extremist. I don't do things by the book. I don't heir on the side of caution, and most times I jump first and think later. This is innate. It's how I was born, and very much a part of who I am. I am attracted to challenges, debates, risk. I become invigorated by overcoming them. Much of my travel life is stimulated by this. Another country, limited monies, while armed with determination, a quest for the life a new country brings, and in better cases a great phrasebook of the local language. I feel like a warrior out there.
So when is the risk not worth the reward?
Is it when your family and possibly friends think you've acted foolishly, and beyond your means? Is it when you, yourself start to question, if you're searching or merely running away? Is it when your bank account is at $0 upon arriving back home and you start life again 'home' from scratch? Is it when you feel everyone watching, and that creates a pressure to make it all look like everything is fine, when it isn't?
I have always seen the biggest risk in NOT attempting. When I feel down about the circumstances that I have put myself in, usually financial risk for this passion of travel, I remember the reward when I look in the faces of those who haven't.
More often than not, I am approached with the phrase "I could never do what you do. You take risks. I want so badly to just (insert passion here) but I can't." I wonder some times where this person's reward is. Is it in stability, or the illusion, of it as I say? Many times it is, and that is enough for people. Their comfort zone is enough wiggle room for them.To each is own. Trust me, I understand. I'd kill for some of that financial stability at the moment.
But, again, is the risk of not doing anything, worth the reward of stability?
Lately, I've been brought back to a conversation I had with Megan before we departed Japan. I told her something that I believed very deeply, and it scared the shit out of me saying it, but I felt it in my gut.
I looked her in the eye and said," I feel like I have to lose everything in order to gain it back ten fold. I really see myself going through a tough time, right before the awakening to the most magnificent rewards my life has ever seen."
This conversation took place approaching a year ago. In this past year, I have lost one of my best friends to a motorcycle accident. At that point, I had just began to let go of a love I was attached to for over a year. I ventured out with Jet Set Zero which subsequently put me in the worst financial situation I may have ever been in upon arrival home. I sat at Narita Tokyo airport and disposed of over a luggage worth of clothes to purge it out of my life, and eradicate any baggage costs. That same day, I turned twenty-six years old and started a new numerology cycle into a 1 year.
I do believe that you have to let go of the muck, in order to receive the new treasures. The whole idea of cleaning your plate before being able to add on more.
This blog is a mental attempt at that. Lately, my posts have been about travel, on the surface level. Right now I'm going through real shit and the fasade was ready to come down.
Universe, I have purged a lot in preparations for what you have for me. I swear, to adapt as needed, but to steam roll forward with my dreams, without reservations. I'm ready. I'm ready for the awakening to the benefits of all my perserverance. I open up to you because I know everything I ever dreamed of is all within my reach, I just have to ask for it.
Attraction.
I missed Loi Krathong. Honestly, out of EVERYTHING I wanted to see in Thailand, but knew I would miss by leaving early, this was that one thing that hit the hardest. I'd been excited about going to Loi Krathong, since hearing about it. Well, it's night in Thailand right now and I know the guys there are having an awakening while watching tens of thousands of lanterns float up into the sky.
It has to be such a spiritual experience, and something I would consider bopping back into Thailand at some point to experience in person.
I hope the Jet Set Zero crew enjoys it thoroughly tonight. Wish I was there, but happy I'm here.
I also hope they are more successful than we were, trying to set off lanterns, when I was there.
Remember me and Jeremiah?
This particular day at work, Jean-Pierre and I had a four hour break in between classes. In the past, we’ve gone home and chilled out for a few hours, but today adventure was in the air. Where I thought we were simply headed for a joy ride towards some hot springs, Jean-Pierre was on a personal mission to find the legend, in Chiang Mai, known as Crazy Horse.
Coming from New York, I have a lot of friends that are involved in an array of hobbies. Jean-Pierre is the first ever rock climber in my circle of friends. He’s a beast on these rocks! His excitement, almost immediately, became my excitement. I knew, looking up at that rock, that I’d be witnessing JP climb up it. It was only a matter of time.
So, while riding into the jungle route, on a dirt road, re-remembering “Oh shit, I am in Thailand,” we ran into these three women from Colorado. Of course! We all got to talking and they started spitting out words and rock terminology that only rang a bell in remembering former childhood episodes of “Guts”. It was dope!
I’m very happy for him. I’m happy for all of us to find our outlets, that keep us centered back home, here. It’s just as important as finding new things here that encourage happiness. Jeremiah loves music…karaoke is his thing. As it should be, he has an amazing voice. I happen to be a writer. Sitting somewhere secluded and writing for hours brings me pleasure that many never know. Jean-Pierre is a climber. It’s in his blood. I can only respect and admire that.
So, as we spoke to these women, and as I watched one ascend and descend the rock, I could feel JP’s eyes glaring.
“He wants me to try this,” I said to myself. The weird thing was, watching the women, and JP free climb just to get a “feel” for the rock, sparked my interest as well. What is happening to me? Have I been hanging around this man too much?
Sorry for the lack of original music that was attached. YouTube goes in...
Sometimes local noodle dishes just won't do, and you need KFC to fulfill the urge...
Sometimes walking through a street market won't suffice, and you end up walking through a five level mall instead...
Sometimes forgetting you're in Thailand, is exactly what you need to clear your mind to get back to it...
Sometimes bugging out in a photo booth with one of your best friends is what the doctor ordered...
Even Dengue cant front on that!
Jeremiah don't hate me forever for posting up this photo.
Crying is actually my default stress relief. When I have had no more, I've reached my brink, and emotions are at a high, I cry.
I'm not good at this saying goodbye piece. Never have been, never will be. I have trouble letting go, and wish I could take everyone and everything I've ever come across with me for life. I've been in the middle of a week long goodbye. I got my fight (excuse me, medley of flights) confirmed, and in 4 hours, I will start the first leg, having me end up in Bangkok before the night's end.
My next two days: Chiang Mai-Bangkok-Hong Kong-Dubai-NYC
It's a lot. Bittersweet as it is, I stand by my decision to leave the show, and Thailand, early. Approaching the 8 week mark, of 12 weeks, to be exact.
Another day, another blog, I'm sure the details will come out. Today is not about the goodies. It's about the love. All that needs to be known for the moment is that, for a number of reasons, it was time for me to head stateside.
I knew today would be difficult. From finding out last night that I'd be leaving today, I knew it was going to run me through the ringer emotionally, and it has. it's been hard for me to look Jean-Pierre and Jeremiah in the face today for fears I would collapse into tears at the very sight of their eyes. I genuinely love these two. I may have the front on now, but my heart aches, not for leaving Thailand or the project, but specifically for leaving them. They are what matters right now, on this side.
I think to the dinner they made for me the other night, and how much their actions of love transferred through their hearts and into my belly. That sounds gross but you get what I mean. I can't say enough positive things about both these men, and I am beyond grateful to have been able to truly offer them the title "friend". Friend to me, is as important as saying 'love' or 'trust'. Both of which I have for them.
One of the conversations I was dreading was that to be had with Thai Mom and Dad.
I knew, walking into it, I was going to end up as a lost cause. In the security of one of their guest houses, they sat me down in what looked to be a double therapy session.
"What happened? Why you leave?" This was repeated. I wanted nothing more than to stop myself from crying, because I know it worried them. I tried to explain that I cry because I am sad, but nothing bad has happened. Mom doesn't really play that though. She's yelled at the guys, on my behalf, for letting me walk into town alone...when it was really absolutely fine. She's made sure I was fed. Dr. Cosi drove me to and from hospitals and constantly checked up on me during the recovery of Dengue Fever. This has been a legit Thai home. I don't know what has left more of an impression, his care, or the words he left me with today.
"If you really feel I am like your father, and she like your mother, then I want to say something as like my child. When you grow into adult, sometimes you have to make a decision and not look back. You have to just keep straight if it is right for you." I needed to hear that more than he knew.
I apologize to the men of the house, in advance, I tried to calm their worries, but when Mom stops sending you free food, you'll know why.
Their daughter is a travel agent and even scored me a cheap last minute flight to take care of the leg I was missing from Bangkok to Hong Kong. Again, love. I'm surrounded by it, and grateful for it.
To these gentlemen, this house, Thai Mom and Dad, and Thailand...you have been a gracious host. I adore you for the hospitality, the learning about others and myself, as well as the very newfound appreciation I have for the concrete jungle I'm getting ready to return to.
Ka pun ka! (Thank you!)
I'm out...
Twenty hours, two countries, and seven Muay Thai fights later, we were able to rest.
Yesterday was a great day for the record books and memory bank. Jeremiah and I started off at 5am headed to Burma so we could get another two week extension to our expired visas. The ride, in reality, wasn't that bad. The border crossing was much smoother than what I went through in Cambodia. Having company there also made it more pleasant. Always nice hanging out with Jeremiah.
The previous day, I made it known to the crew that I wanted to hit up a Muay Thai fight. I'd been sitting on it for awhile. It was the one promise I made to my boyfriend; attend and shoot a Muay Thai fight. My interest was sparked from the beginning really. I personally have always had an affinity for kickboxing.
Jean-Pierre, Jeremiah, Bogdan, and I bonded last night over some round houses, bloody noses, and several weight classes. Seven fights took place last night, including a female round, and 'special fights' round that included four blind folded boxers going at each other simultaneously. Weight classes ranged from 100 lbs, to the Main Event at 168 pounds, a Thai local vs. a Frenchman.
During the female round, I left the crew to stand with the Thai men that were ringside. The energy from the women was infectious, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wondered how I would be in the ring. Could I handle the brutality, while respecting the fact that it is, in deed, an art form? One I respect very much.
Hitting me that both Jeremiah and I had been up since around 5am and traveled so far via bus, my eye lids proved to become heavy during the final round. That is, until, the fight ended in the Frenchman's win, and the ENTIRE corner that was cheering on the Thai boxer had left him stranded to leave the ring on his own. We're talking, holding onto the ring, not able to stand up straight, seeing circles, and sliding down the steps...alone. It was great. Thanks fellas!
PS. The chicks rocked it! More photos seen HERE!
I must look like I have strings coming out of my body parts.
I don't even like puppets. I could never be one.
Cut.
Last night, I was woken up out of sleep by one of the few people who can get away with that and still make me smile...my best friend Bethany.
Not only did I welcome the words and wisdom of a doctor, but it was nice to hear from home. We spoke about the recent turn in healthful events and different ways to help knock it out, until I get checked up on Friday.
Yet, at a point the conversation changed slightly and taped right into the core of something I've had lingering underneath it all for awhile now.
As my Dad sent to me via text "Umm. You may want to consider bringing your ass home."
He was the second person to bring it up. Bethany was now the third.
It was less a directly health related reason, but moreso a call for perspective.
What am I doing here? What am I getting out of it that I haven't already?
I'm not getting paid for this trip in anyway, as you all know in my plea for donations and photography purchases. I am now in a place where every two weeks I have to leave the country for a visa run ($30 a pop), just to be able to come back and stay here, for the sake of this project's timeline. Not mine.
Wait, what?
I'm not sure where the reciprocation is anymore. I'm not sure where the allure of having adventure and promotion be the only payoffs went, especially now that I am legitimately sick.
What's it worth? The debt. The sickness. The main payoff I see right now, is the ability to have met some amazing men. Some of which I can see long term friendships with.
I can understand the purpose for someone who hasn't traveled on their own before...but I have, and still prefer too. And truthfully, if I was on my own schedule, I would have left Thailand by now and probably would have been in Vietnam somewhere.
After going to Cambodia, in my mind, I was set. That was my TADA! I'm good.
The idea of two more months of being here, just to be here, flooding all my resources just doesn't sound appealing to me.
In regards to Jet Set Zero, I have completed the task they search for in the crew. Find a home and a job within 90 days. That was accomplished around Day 15.
So here I am. Trying to get healthy, and gain some perspective on the next move.
Time for an honest discourse with self.
This video is one of the reasons why I dig JP. Get in there and get it done. I loved watching this in the backgroud and the video came out dope. Support my fellow Jet Set Zero castmate Jean-Pierre's blog!
This is where the change in plans to go from a visa run to Laos, became a visa run to Cambodia.
So, I’m headed to Cambodia. It’s official. The packing is done. I’m writing emails to everyone and catching up with the family back home before I begin this strenuous trip down and over to Cambodia.
The only female in the group is ditching the guys and headed to Angkor Wat by her lonesome. This trip is long overdue in my life. I have been psyched about seeing, touching, and inhaling the air at Angkor Wat for a good year now. The time has come. The excuses are no more.
In a few hours, I’ll be starting the first leg of this trip, headed right back to where we came from, Bangkok. The field producers and other cast members are not coming, for financial and visa limitations. The show must go on, even if I tape this portion myself. I will officially be on my Lara Croft, Tomb Raider shit! I am PSYCHED! This is where I’ve really been wanting to go… here goes something.
Yes, I played and loved Mortal Kombat as a child…thank you very much!
So…in conjunction to Jean-Pierre’s recount of the sugar induced first class, we did find a sense of calm in the second class. Jean-Pierre and my first day teaching in Thailand. First class was a doozie, but that’s what makes them unique, even when they’re running around rearranging furniture. Our female student’s name is, King. Why do I love that?
These are the possibilties of shit you can find on the road while driving in Chiang Mai, Thailand. That is my word, there are two imaginary lanes that come in and out of creation depending only upon how close to the edge the drivers want to live that day, or night. It's bananas!
And sometimes you will see babies, or three family members driving on one bike here. I can't! I will say this...Thailand doesn't have shit on India. If you multiply Chiang Mai's streets by 10, add buffalo, camels, pigs, and throw in some monkeys for good measure, you will get a taste of driving in India. There is no recognition of red, green, or yellow lights there.
Tonight, all of these viable options were on the road.
Everyone please drive safe Love ya!
Day 3 of 7 we spent in Bangkok, and my take on the need to take personal time, networking, and a new country.
I have traveled to many places, and been a passenger on many planes. Yet, the Air Asia flight from Hong Kong to Bangkok produced a first for me. Never, have I ever, seen the magnitude of vapors coming from both sides of the plane as I did on this flight.
Post this video I had to pull a flight attendant aside and confirm it was air conditioning.
Jeremiah, who made it a point to emphasize his fear and reluctance of flying was the star of this flight. I tried my best to help him through it, even when it was clear that we were flying through lightening, and I told him it was a streaming white light on the side of the plane, totally normal. Love that guy...hilarious.
The first morning started with us waking up with the tasks of checking out of a hostel, and hopefully into an apartment in Bangkok, to have a home for the next month.
Right now, it's looking for a home base in order to navigate gaining work from that seems to be the focus. So, within an hour of finding out how little money was in the possession of many of the cast members, we toed with the notion of parking our asses on an island beach and making it work. With Jean-Pierre looking at Koh Samui,I kind of blurted out the idea of us heading up to Chiang Mai.
Fuck it. It's cheaper, still a city/town yet not as abrasive as Bangkok, and cast members have some connections there for sure.We got a collective yes.
Jean Pierre and I went to the Hua Lampong station to acquire everyone's tickets. My night ended, with the start to a 10 hour train ride to Chiang Mai.
I was woken up by a phone call at 7am. My other half. My strength and my support. Also known as my boyfriend, Nelson. I watched the sun rise through my train window, as I spoke to the man I love. It was the best way I've woken up since being in Thailand. He checked on the cat, got my mail, and sent his love through that phone. A love, that undoubtedly, I miss more than even my words can express at this moment.
I’ve had Nomad•ness up and running for the better part of 2010. With that, one would assume (even I assumed) that I’d be ‘used’ to the idea of cameras following me around on world travels.
No.
I’m learning there is a stark contrast between documenting, editing, and presenting your own show footage as a lone traveler, to the side of the spectrum where everything else is out of your hands.
The idea of having cameras around you for nearly 24 hours a day automatically fucks with your psyche, whether consciously or subconsciously.
As Jean Pierre stated, “The first few days I was fixing my shirt if I was sitting a certain way and saw wrinkles.” Small action, but huge representation as to how immediate you are thrown into this self-conscious bubble. I’ve never been this aware of myself in my life! It’s weird is what it is.
Nomad•ness is under my complete creative control. Therefore, if you see a bad angle it was a very deliberate act for me to put it in there.
When you let go (something I have a very hard time doing) that control is gone. For me, this first week has felt like a free fall. I don’t know if I feel more raw doing Jet Set Zero or writing my memoir. Actually, the answer is Jet Set because though my book is raw, I still have the creative control, and it’s not an immediate presentation to the world. There will be numerous edits.
This is the challenge of reality tv. Uncut, immediate, for better or worse, facing yourself and allowing the world to see you too. I now, more than ever, understand why people don't do this shit. The weak will not survive. That’s for damn sure. I have a new found respect for the idea of privacy that I’m not sure I ever had before in life.
Everyday I wake up feeling like I am bungee jumping or skydiving. Arms open, I am free falling into the elements and the initial shock of the plunge is still prevalent.
I look forward to the part of the fall where I am just soaring. The part where I can finally open my eyes and face the world underneath me. The place where I’m comfortable, able to understand/accept the lesson, and am fully grateful for the safe landing.
