risk and reward...

As an Aries, I am an extremist. I don't do things by the book. I don't heir on the side of caution, and most times I jump first and think later. This is innate. It's how I was born, and very much a part of who I am. I am attracted to challenges, debates, risk. I become invigorated by overcoming them. Much of my travel life is stimulated by this. Another country, limited monies, while armed with determination, a quest for the life a new country brings, and in better cases a great phrasebook of the local language. I feel like a warrior out there.

So when is the risk not worth the reward?

Is it when your family and possibly friends think you've acted foolishly, and beyond your means? Is it when you, yourself start to question, if you're searching or merely running away? Is it when your bank account is at $0 upon arriving back home and you start life again 'home' from scratch? Is it when you feel everyone watching, and that creates a pressure to make it all look like everything is fine, when it isn't?

I have always seen the biggest risk in NOT attempting. When I feel down about the circumstances that I have put myself in, usually financial risk for this passion of travel, I remember the reward when I look in the faces of those who haven't.

More often than not, I am approached with the phrase "I could never do what you do. You take risks. I want so badly to just (insert passion here) but I can't." I wonder some times where this person's reward is. Is it in stability, or the illusion, of it as I say? Many times it is, and that is enough for people. Their comfort zone is enough wiggle room for them.To each is own. Trust me, I understand. I'd kill for some of that financial stability at the moment.

But, again, is the risk of not doing anything, worth the reward of stability?

Lately, I've been brought back to a conversation I had with Megan before we departed Japan. I told her something that I believed very deeply, and it scared the shit out of me saying it, but I felt it in my gut.

I looked her in the eye and said," I feel like I have to lose everything in order to gain it back ten fold. I really see myself going through a tough time, right before the awakening to the most magnificent rewards my life has ever seen."

This conversation took place approaching a year ago. In this past year, I have lost one of my best friends to a motorcycle accident. At that point, I had just began to let go of a love I was attached to for over a year. I ventured out with Jet Set Zero which subsequently put me in the worst financial situation I may have ever been in upon arrival home. I sat at Narita Tokyo airport and disposed of over a luggage worth of clothes to purge it out of my life, and eradicate any baggage costs. That same day, I turned twenty-six years old and started a new numerology cycle into a 1 year.

I do believe that you have to let go of the muck, in order to receive the new treasures. The whole idea of cleaning your plate before being able to add on more.

This blog is a mental attempt at that. Lately, my posts have been about travel, on the surface level. Right now I'm going through real shit and the fasade was ready to come down.

Universe, I have purged a lot in preparations for what you have for me. I swear, to adapt as needed, but to steam roll forward with my dreams, without reservations. I'm ready. I'm ready for the awakening to the benefits of all my perserverance. I open up to you because I know everything I ever dreamed of is all within my reach, I just have to ask for it.

Attraction.

10 months, 7 countries...my 2010

I had this up as a status about a month back. The realization of everything I've done in 2010, alone. We're officially in November, and the mirage of what has made up all these moments in 2010 is humbling, exciting, even tiring. Home feels good. It feels right, right now. The world did me good this year, and as per usual to Evita, the traveling was extreme. Never half assed...

Japan: New Years in Tokyo, and the Nomad•ness episode to rep it. Niigata and saying goodbye to life long friends and children I taught. Started off the year with a ton of goodbyes, but have been adamant about keeping in touch.

India- Late Feb into March; Three cities and a desert in eleven days. Stephanie, Melissa, and I hit the ground running in India. Holi Festival and our lives are changed forever.. Nomad•ness epsiodes and some of my favorite travel photography. Running your fingers across the Taj Mahal is out of this world.

NYC: April into August; Home sweet home, for what was supposed to be a substantial amount of time. Until an opportunity presented itself.

China: End of August; two days in Hong Kong rummaging around, getting reused to Asia. Then stranded there for four days while trying to reach home again a few days before Halloween.

Thailand: September to November; home for what would end up being two months. From the streets of Bangkok, to the country of Saraphi. Chiang Mai temporarily replaced the concrete jungle.

Cambodia: The place in Asia that stole my heart. Angkor Wat and Ta Prohm were the catalyst, and the city of Siem Reap is what kept me there past my border run, for sure. So much to see, experience, and the art...oh the art. Many back alleys there reminded me more of Europe than any Asian country I'd visited before. I'll be back.

Burma: Oh Visa-Run, how you loved us so...

Gratitude for being able to live out dreams, and for those who helped support it.

a call for perspective...

Last night, I was woken up out of sleep by one of the few people who can get away with that and still make me smile...my best friend Bethany.

Not only did I welcome the words and wisdom of a doctor, but it was nice to hear from home. We spoke about the recent turn in healthful events and different ways to help knock it out, until I get checked up on Friday.

Yet, at a point the conversation changed slightly and taped right into the core of something I've had lingering underneath it all for awhile now.

As my Dad sent to me via text "Umm. You may want to consider bringing your ass home."

He was the second person to bring it up. Bethany was now the third.

It was less a directly health related reason, but moreso a call for perspective.

What am I doing here? What am I getting out of it that I haven't already?

I'm not getting paid for this trip in anyway, as you all know in my plea for donations and photography purchases. I am now in a place where every two weeks I have to leave the country for a visa run ($30 a pop), just to be able to come back and stay here, for the sake of this project's timeline. Not mine.

Wait, what?

I'm not sure where the reciprocation is anymore. I'm not sure where the allure of having adventure and promotion be the only payoffs went, especially now that I am legitimately sick.

What's it worth? The debt. The sickness. The main payoff I see right now, is the ability to have met some amazing men. Some of which I can see long term friendships with.

I can understand the purpose for someone who hasn't traveled on their own before...but I have, and still prefer too. And truthfully, if I was on my own schedule, I would have left Thailand  by now and probably would have been in Vietnam somewhere.

After going to Cambodia, in my mind, I was set. That was my TADA! I'm good.

The idea of two more months of being here, just to be here, flooding all my resources just doesn't sound appealing to me.

In regards to Jet Set Zero, I have completed the task they search for in the crew. Find a home and a job within 90 days. That was accomplished around Day 15.

So here I am. Trying to get healthy, and gain some perspective on the next move.

Time for an honest discourse with self.

the answer...

Today reminded me of why I started traveling in the first place. Those moments when you see things, meet people, and are in awe of something greater than you've ever seen before.

It is one of those moments, where love takes on a new meaning, and true life is lived. It is where true inspiration is bred, and grown.

I am so blessed and humbled to have been able to see all I did today, and to experience all of the Angkor Wat offerings.

Walking through Angkor in the midst of a full on monsoon shower and lightening storm was the eeriest, and most enchanting thing I have ever done in my life. The photos...my goodness, the photos. You all are in store for a huge treat with upcoming travel photography and a pending episode in a few weeks.

I love this! I feel so alive today!!! Thank you all who have supported. It, literally, means the world to me.

.

Jay-Z+Warren Buffet+Forbes...a discussion on luck

Forbes, Warren Buffet, and Jay-Z in a discussion on the power of luck, in the 400 Forbes Video.

I dig it.

3...2..1. Cambodia

I'M GOING TO CAMBODIA on Monday!

Look, I am very grateful and open to the experiences that have come, and will come from this excursion in Thailand.

Yet...I cannot front on the fact that your girl has been nearly obsessed with the idea of going to Cambodia, specifically the ruins at Angkor Wat. It has officially been a year from the first time the loyal readers have first heard me talk about this place.

The rave reviews that I have gotten from friends who have recently backpaced the area has only been more reassurance as to my needing to get my ass there.

So, why now?

Two words. Visa run.

My 30 day visa for Thailand is done, finito nect Thursday, September 30th. I cannot believe that I have been here for a month. What the hell?

the 15th journal...

I am approaching the finishing pages of my 15th journal.I have the last decade of my life on paper.

I go through a process when it comes to journals. When I choose a new one, I think about what events are going to fill its pages. Where am I when i start it? Where will I be when it ends?

This 15th journal has taken me through the widest spectrum thus far.

Through it's pages, I wrote through the beginning of a brand new relationship, the death of one of my best friends, the departure, and eventual arrival in Thailand.

When I bought this journal, in a textile shop in Jaipur, India I never imagined that it would house one of the most traumatic experiences I'd have in my life, thus far. Rudi has been on my mind a lot the last few days.

My upcoming Nomad•ness video will delve into that a bit deeper. His birthday is September 30th. The day my visa in Thailand runs out. The conclusion of the 9th month. Twenty-seven years after one of my best friends was born.

I love you Rudi. Spin in Peace.

mark my words...2011

Asia, I love you.

You have done me well over the last year and a half. After this trip, I must leave you indefinitely.

Africa is calling.

Morocco, I'm coming...2011

It is time...

Brainstorming on a 3-week trip between Morocco, Egypt, and Spain. When will it be done?

Nomad•ness prototype...Noa off to Paris

So there's this artist.

LA born and bred.

Brazilian lived.

Israeli/Yemenite/Polish roots.

Citizen of the World, like myself.

It was ony a matter of the Universe gravitating us together at some point.

Fate had it. We ran with it, and although we have never met face to face, our technological traveling has spanned over continents.

She is the definition of dopeness in more ways than a few.

This post is my well wishes to Noa on her approaching move to Paris.

Paris. The place where my wanderlust began. Still my favorite city in all the world. One day I will be able to call it home, for long term. I will relish the day...

Much love Ms. Avi. Check her blog out, her photography is fire!

in the jungle, under a waterfall...

Today this waterfall, in the middle of this jungle, brought me to life...dopest day in Thailand by far!

Jet Set Zero Season 8 Thailand Cast and Crew

Photo by Tyler Batson

men and marriage...interesting read

So I pulled this article from the page of my best male friend, Jason.

Regardless of your sex, you may find the information in thie piece very interesting. I would love to research and post the female version of this article, for sure.

Men who consider marriage and those who don't may be intrigued by some of the stats presented in the piece. I know I was!

This reminds me of a quote I once heard that really encompassed my point of view in regards to male/female difference in marriage:

"Women find the right man and feel it's the right time to get married. Men wait for the right time to get married, then look for the right woman."

* Most men who graduate from high school start thinking of marriage as a real possibility when they are twenty-three or twenty-four.
* Most men who graduate from college don’t start considering marriage as a real possibility until age twenty-six.
* When men go to graduate school, it takes them longer to get into the working world, and they’re not ready to get married until a few years after that.
* Ninety percent of men who have graduated from college are ready for the next step between ages twenty-six and thirty-three; this is when they are most likely to consider marriage. But this window of opportunity stays open only for four to five years, and then the chances a man will marry start to decline.
* A majority of college graduates between twenty-eight and thirty-three are in their high-commitment years and likely to propose.
* This period for well-educated men lasts just a bit over five years. The chances men will commit are sightly less when they are thirty-one or thirty-two than when they were between twenty-eight and thirty, but they’re still in a high-commitment phase.
* Once men reach thirty-three or thirty-four, the chances they’ll commit start to diminish, but only slightly. Until men reach thirty-seven, they remain very good prospects.
* After age thirty-eight, the chances they will ever marry drop dramatically.
* The chances that a man will marry for the first time diminish even more once he reaches forty-two or forty-three. At this point, many men become confirmed bachelors.
* Once men reach age forty-seven to fifty without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically. 

Full Article is HERE!

Would love feedback from the men, and women!

conversation with a Monk...

After the riding around in search for apartments in the 5000/bhat a month range ceased, David directed us to a Buddhist monastery for what they call “Monk Chats”. I kid you not, they had a sign on the door that read just that.

We go in and sit down, as a group, to speak with one (eventually two) of the monks.  There Tyler, Jeremiah, and myself all listened to the life of this seemingly young monk who had been in practice for 11 years. After his life story, we were able to let him into ours through questions.

I took the opportunity to speak about two things that have weighed on my mind, both generally and specific to this moment in my life.

1. Buddhism emphasizes the idea of living in the now, and constantly being present. How does that transfer into goals one wants to attain in life? How do you balance ambition with being present?

2. Any advice on how to deal with Rudi’s death?

The talk was interesting in that for a very long while, he would not look at me when answering questions. He would have consistent eye contact with Tyler and Jeremiah, yet with me it was very shotty, even when answering one of my questions directly. His body language also changed immediately upon the arrival of his studies teacher. It was almost eerie to me. But I digress…

I cried. Listening to him speak on his own mother’s death, as well as the necessity for me to stay true to “investigating” my own emotions in regards to Rudi’s passing really put me in a place where the strangers, cast members, and cameras became irrelevant, and while looking this monk directly in the eye, tears fell. Overwhelmed at the idea of death, as well as being in the midst of dialogue with the revered messenger of Buddhism, the religion I have always felt closes to, was heavy on the heart.

I donated to the monastery and walked away with two matching meditation necklaces (one for myself and one for Nelson), as well as a bracelet.

We left and I headed towards Tyler’s bike, only for David to say “You’re riding with me.” How do I explain David? David is a high dosage of crazy, balanced with education and charisma.

He’s the type of guy that blurs the line between famous and infamous, fear and legitimate danger, life and death. Here I was riding on his bike, both invigorated and terrified as I see him as a person with few limits.

He spoke to me about Rudi, the passing of his father, and death in general. The night before, over drinks a conversation ensued about the paradoxes in the Universe. It touched on everything from art to quantum physics. There is some heavy shit being dished out in Thailand. He said that he felt my energy deeper last night. He is a mind reader and magician, though.

So we rode, everyone else followed and I felt so alive. I released my hands a number of times and just let go. There was a dangerous comfort that I had on his bike, and for tonight it agreed with me…for tonight. 

 



the "model" Xperience...

 

One of the other cast mates friend's, Tina, showed up to help navigate us around the nightlife of Bangkok a bit for the night.

Jet-lagged and exhausted my intention was not to stay out long at all. In two cabs, we went into the city and began the night at a bar called Xperience. All on line, it was free admission and everyone got one free drink ticket to start the evening.

As I approach the front of the line, a Thai woman comes up to the registration table, points at me, and says. "She's a model. Give her model tickets. Let her in." I let it rock. Next thing I know, I was handed three free drink tickets, with the word "Models" embedded on the top right corner.

Before the end of the night I networked my way from this woman, whom I found out was the head promoter, to the African DJ who may be my link into the parties of the industry here in Bangkok.

Apparently, she thought she saw me in an industry party in Hong Kong. Did she? Interesting, Universe.

PS. My apologies in advance to Jerimiah's family. You have a very wholesome son, who is in the middle of being corrupted... in the best possible sense of the word.

shedding of skin...

The double meaning is no coincidence...

In arriving in Bangkok, specifically our street in the Sukumvit (I think...) section, at 1am, the nightlife was definitely alive and well. The prostitutes, of the third gender prevalent in Thailand, adorned the streets. For undisclosed prices known to me, they shed clothes, exposing skin to make a living in this country.

I, on the other hand, am shedding this skin in a more emotional, non-literal, and financial level. Waking up this morning at 6am, I wasn't able to sleep and decided to be productive. I love congregating in hostel lounges. It's where the conversations with strangers, networking, and insight shows itself with people you didn't even know existed. It's the beautiful cesspool that reminds me why I travel. This morning was no different. The Universe placed the perfect person into my life this morning...more on Mary later.

Financially, this morning led to the uneasy awareness of nearly a $300 discrepancy in my fund budget. I am still baffled at how it happened. Yet, between having to pay a staggering $142 for added visa pages, and an extra $150 for a RT flight, my funds were thrown of course worse than expected.

I am already in survival mode and it's day one in Bangkok. Work is more of a necessity, and considering money for food may be greatly curbed, I'll be shedding more skin in the form of disappearing weight.

With that, all donations are welcome and the travel photos are definitely up for sale HERE!

Mars rising...

Take a moment to look at the moon tonight. For the first time in 500 years you can see Mars under it. Some inspiration for the Aries out there!

It may also be why I have been feeling so.......weird. :) It's not much on the camera, but definitely take a step to see it outside. Cool.

train conversations...on the 4

Today marked the beginning of growth. Nor pink or pretty, it was a legitimate growing pain.

Necessary.

I had my first purchase of six of my travel photos, from the array you see HERE!

It's my first time with this specific printer for something so important so I wanted to get a glimpse of the images first hand before shipping out.

At Adorama on 18th Street, I got the goods. Around 10pm, I'm on the 4 headed home for much needed rest (which I'm obviously not getting now  at 2:06am) and to get a glimpse at the photos.

They look phenomenal!!!! Six 8x10s that were so gorgeous they actually started catching the attention of other riders.

"Wait, did you shoot these," she asked me.

"Yea, I did."

"Wow! Is this India?"

"Yea."

"Yes, I recognized it."

"Oh, have you been," I asked.

"No, but I could tell."

"Do you travel a lot?"

"Yes. I just got back from Brazil," she answered without hesitation.

"Great. I'm moving to Thailand for three months next week. Actually, let me give you my card. I have a travel blog, and you can see these photos for sale."

"I'll definitely check it out," she said grabbing the card. "Safe travels!"

"You too," I uttered.

avalanche...

Life comes with a number of tests. Not so much for entertainment, I believe these tests  are put in your life to prepare you for something greater, and more beneficial. Most times these tests show themselves in the form of people.

In an effort to keep it real...a personality conflict can lead to future complications in the work arena, and I'm trying to figure out, within myself, how to deal with it. Meditation will be had before going to Thailand, while there, and well after. I'll be concentrating on the truths that people only do to you, what you let them.

It's all in my reaction to this mere mortal. He's not going to change. I don't have to change...

My reaction does.

It's one of those situations where you've already been rubbed the wrong way by the person. You've already caught wind of personal agendas, and their askew energy precedes them. I'm trying to negate the avalanche effect. Where one little thing shifts the entire emotional Universe around you, because it's become the sum of it's duplicating parts.

I am open to finding out what lesson he's here to teach. What is the reason for being introduced to this person? Is the lesson less of what he can teach me, and more of what I can teach him?

I'm interested, how do you deal with people in these situations?

Eat Pray Love ....a theater near you

Every once in awhile, there is a film that speaks to the core of your values and life. There's a film that guts you, whether from controversy or from truth.

I remember one day, while working at truTV, I had a co-worker Seida come up to me.

"Have you ever heard of the book Eat, Pray, Love. Evita it reminds me of your life so much. I love the way it's written. It's a little slow when she gets to India in the second part, but she reminds me of you so much. I can picture you writing a book like this one day," she said.

I responded,"No but I keep seeing people reading it on the subway. What's it about?"

Seida continued her pitch, " Oh my God you have to read it. It's about a woman who gets a divorce, then quits her job, and travels through Italy, India, and Indonesia on this trip to go find herself. It's something I could picture you doing."

I bought the book the next day. I finished the book three days later. I loved it, especially the India part. This conversation took place in Summer 2008. Little did I know that two months after it I'd be in Edinburgh, Scotland, three months after that I'd be living in Japan, and eleven months after that I'd be on my own trek around India. In conjunction with the travels, I'd start writing my own memoir. That which I am now approximately 170 pages into right now....funny how the Universe works.

I LOVED the book, and am a bit of a skeptic of the book to film transition. But this one, I HAVE to go see.

For all the women out there. For all the true life livers out there. For all the travelers out there. This film is the story of just one of us. Don't worry mine is coming...

Between Basquiat and Eat Pray Love I'll be spending this weekend at the theater.

one with the Universe...

(I warn, this may be hard to read. Not as hard as it was writing it.)

Rudi,

Walking home from a day of long hours, on a shoot tonight, I realized I'd be by my computer around 12:45am tonight. From the newspaper articles I've been reading on your death, that was the same exact time, forty-eight hours ago, when you died. I remember being on the phone with Nelson, talking about following our life's passions, exactly forty-eight hours ago, not knowing you were in Norwalk taking your last ride.
The newspaper also said that your motorcycle (which many people, including myself didn't know you'd purchased) hit a curb, became airborne, and landed in an intersection. You didn't have a license for the bike, nor were you wearing a helmet, and your were pronounced dead on arrival. These are the facts...
Rudi, I'm angry. I'm livid. I'm pissed because deep in my heart I feel this didn't have to happen. I don't know what made you purchase the fucking thing, nor do I know what made you get on it forty-eight hours ago. All I know is you are gone...
I've been trying to use detachment as a way of coping with this all. It's still so surreal. I would deflect my sadness onto others I saw as being closer to you than I...Fedler, Tommy, Jimmy, your family...I would say things to myself like, "But they must really be feeling it." Yea, well bullshitting myself has officially ceased because in reality, few people were as close to you as I was.
I have been fortunate enough as to have you in my life as a best friend, BEST FRIEND all through college, lover, and boyfriend for a short while. Few people on this Earth know my ins and outs the way you do, and the love you had for me was unconditional, eternal, and sometimes scary. Just keeping it real.
I'm getting many messages from people, some I've never met, who are genuinely worried about me. I feel like I'm in a bit of a fish bowl and I was so close that it was too close. I feel like people see, or speak with me, and it's one of the closest connections they have to you. For some, it's too much to handle, especially if I break down.
Truthfully, I'm scared. I'm scared of myself and what my reaction(s) are going to be as time goes on. I'm terrified of the possibility of seeing your lifeless body, and trying to cope with the idea that I will not hear your voice, from you. I'm nervous to see Josh, Fedler, Kennedy...I am so fucking scared.
I cannot bring myself to write an RIP, or to sign a message like this on your Facebook page. Within hours, your updates and life, turned into a shrine of memories. I can't fathom that.
There are too many memories to name. We knew everything about each other and there are intimate moments that only you and I can recollect. Josh and I spoke about how you aren't going to be around to see him and Chanel wed. I told him about your 'affection' and how I still have it. I think I'm going to bring it to the wake.
Rudi, this is tearing me apart because I truly feel this didn't have to occur. You were on your way. It was evident to us all.
I truly feel, I can say that no one knows your passion for DJing like me. As you've told me on many occasion, I take the crown on that one. I may have bought that first lesson, but YOU kept going with it. You took it to another level. When everyone else thought you were crazy, you knew I was there and had your back 100%. That was how we rolled. I am so proud of you. And, in your passing, if there is one thing I am truly happy for it's that you are being noted as a DJ!!! That is your legacy. You would have it no other way.
In my eyes, you were always a DJ, but more importantly you were a best friend. You are now the most official guardian angel I could ever ask for. I don't worry because you can protect me now in a way far beyond the reach of anything you could have done while in your physical shell. You are now a part of the Universe that I would talk to you about in length. All my Law of Attraction talk, that you eventually started to play with on your own. You are truly one with the Universe. Forever.
I ask for you to look over me during your services. I really don't want to pass out, and you know how I do with the anxiety attacks. I remember you telling me that I got them because I was a genius, and I thought to much.
I ask for you to just give me strength and guidance through all future trials and tribulations, this one now...being you. Your energy is with me always. I love you!

V, Vivi, Verbal...Evita

Donations to his family can be made at http://www.itsdjgenius.com

courage...

You are supposed to do at least one thing, everyday, that scares you.
What is the one thing you could do to test yourself, define yourself, push yourself, right now?
I am at a point in my life where I am aware of the preparation I'm enduring in order to be able to approach the opportunities that will set me up for the rest of my life.
The rest of my life...such an vast time frame.
Everything is happening as it should. The Universe is helping to shape me and direct me as to where I'm supposed to be. My eyes and energy are wide open.