Peep what happens when Tyler and I go on our day trip to Ayutthaya, Thailand.
The saga continues...(still weird watching these. Looking at it as practive for the bigger picture.)
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thailand
Yea, yea I know, it's been a year and a half since I last posted and was a part of the Jet Set Zero camp. 1.5 years later they just dropped the first episode from the season I was on... I have to laugh at this. So much has changed. So much growth has occured. It's crazy even thinking about it all. When I found out it was coming out my heart started racing...namely because I'm o far beyond this point in my life.
1.5 years ago I was:
- Dealing with the death of oneof my best friend's, Rudi (2 months before being on Jet Set Zero)
- In love and in a relationship with Nel (we have been broken up for almost a year now)
- In a serious place of despise with Tyler (if I saw him now on the street, I'd actually say hello with a clear heart)
- Heavier in the heart, due to all I was going through
So what makes this weird, is not the seeing yourself in the 3rd person, but all the things that have changed since then.
I also find it quite ironic that they chose to launch this now..but as they say in Japanese (Shogonai).
Spring into SEAsia...for those who have been there, enjoy the stunning imageray of the amazing South East Asian countries. For those who haven't been, to you I share a peek at what you need to experience.
Thai Mom and Dad hit me up on the email today to check in. Apparently word transferred all the way to Thailand, about Hurrican Irene.
Sending their love, safety, and comfort via gifts from Thailand. Love them.
Photo by Tyler Batson
I want this feeling again... I want life to rush me like the cold, refreshing, water under this fall. Few moments have ever made me feel this alive...
I want this...again... and everyday.
Thai Mom and Dad hit my Inbox with a photo last night of them in the Nomad•ness T-shirts I sent.
I adore these two, and for them, I will be back in Thailand. Have too! Love and Miss them very much!
I went to the spa...
A 'you've done good' gift to myself, and warranted time for personal relaxation. From experience, I've ventured away from massages and have turned towards body scrubs. You get the same massage quality, with added exfoliation, different textures, leading to different sensations, and a shower that feels as though it rinses layers of your skin off. In the middle of my full body scrub, my mind drifted to thoughts of being touched.
As a human, we want to be touched. As a woman, with such unique feminine characteristics, I venture to say we need to be touched, especially if in a relationship. We need to be adored, felt wanted, and to be caressed. Naked, lying on this table, in a sheer state of relaxation it dawned on me how long it's been since I've been touched by another human being. Not a hug, but more.
Months seem to multiply. My last massage prior to today was one of many I received in Thailand. Sex, well again, the months have multiplied since the last time. There is something to simply being touched. A back rub. A kiss, in which he holds your face. A finger down your spine, giving enough remnants to know it was there. I miss being touched...
As my thoughts drifted further, and her hands drifted down to my feet, I was transported to a ghost of relationships past. I had an ex, who I only really saw on the weekends. Whether my week had been stressful or routine, at least one night each weekend, he would burn incense, play jazz music, and willingly (without my asking) massage my feet until I fell asleep. To this day, years and years after our relationship has ended, I still secretly thank him for that gesture. It spoke volumes.
There is something about being touched.
My former landlords and Thai Dad/Mom from Chiang Mai have kept their promise of keeping in touch. Coming home for the first time in almost two days, I had an email waiting from Dad that again warmed my heart. I was suprised to find 15 attachments in the email.
The last letter he sent, also came with a laminated watercolor that he'd done. He was an artist in the earlier part of his life and has even had his art in the walls of the Guggemheim Museum (the people I meet abroad). Tonight, he sent me photos of other works of his. Above is the piece he sent me, and below, is my favorite of them all.
Mother and child. So pure, and beautiful. It also correlates to thoughts about my future family that I've been having lately. All in due time.
Missing Thai Mom and Dad.
This episode notes Evie's traveling from Chiang Mai, Thailand through the border upon reaching Siem Reap, Cambodia. On this journey, the question of using travel as a way to run away is posed...still unanswered.
I'm a runner. I very much focus on the future and what I could be building, creating, perfecting to make my dreams and obsessions come true. I think faster than the average individual, probably right on par with any New Yorker. We're sick.
It's always running to do so much, and sadly we dont learn to balance until we have no choice. Our minds or bodies shut down. For me it was my first full blown panic attack and I quickly learned how to say "No." Something I'd never done before, assuming I could assume every role that was brought my way. How silly we are.
What I find, in life, is that there are crucial, and many times life changing moments of pause. It's those times where you are in a place and time and you are so present that you chills. You may close your eyes, breathe in the air, give thanks to the higher power, what have you. But for some reason, you stop and you recognize the pause. I have to admit I live in New York and love it at times, but I don't find those pregnant pauses here.
Sea of Japan at our sunset drinking and talking party on the beach. 10 mins from my old apartment in Niigata, Japan.
It's when I'm abroad. I am so moved by life, when I travel that I have them so periodically, it scares me because it reinforces that New York will probably not be my home, for life. I want to live in a place that makes me feel that way, and makes me live life in a way, where I feel that daily. Maybe that's why I move around so much. The new beginnings. the new discoveries. The understanding that every new place brings about a new pause. Here are a few of my random moments of pause around the world. This is a very modified list.
Japanese Tea Ceremony Preparation
Photo shoot after different Japanese tea Ceremony
Nomad•ness Episode 3: Season 2 follows fellow travel buddy, Jean-Pierre and I into the first yoga class either of us have had since landing in Thailand. Our recap involves everything delicious, from banana sticky rice to the women in our yoga class. From peace, we turn to the art of war, enjoying my first ever look into the tradition of Muay Thai fighting in Thailand.
Came across a few photos that Jean-Pierre took of me while in Thailand. I always loved the first. It encompassed my search for self on the journey in Thailand, so much.
These moments will forever live in photo, and some in video form.
I miss you kid! Do Australia like I know you will. See you in NYC.
I missed Loi Krathong. Honestly, out of EVERYTHING I wanted to see in Thailand, but knew I would miss by leaving early, this was that one thing that hit the hardest. I'd been excited about going to Loi Krathong, since hearing about it. Well, it's night in Thailand right now and I know the guys there are having an awakening while watching tens of thousands of lanterns float up into the sky.
It has to be such a spiritual experience, and something I would consider bopping back into Thailand at some point to experience in person.
I hope the Jet Set Zero crew enjoys it thoroughly tonight. Wish I was there, but happy I'm here.
I also hope they are more successful than we were, trying to set off lanterns, when I was there.
Remember me and Jeremiah?
Season 2: Nomad•ness Episode 2 introduces you to the city of Chiang Mai, Thailand. Nomad•ness has a new look, new theme song, and new country to explore. In this episode, it's time to find a place to call home in Chiang Mai.
I had this up as a status about a month back. The realization of everything I've done in 2010, alone. We're officially in November, and the mirage of what has made up all these moments in 2010 is humbling, exciting, even tiring. Home feels good. It feels right, right now. The world did me good this year, and as per usual to Evita, the traveling was extreme. Never half assed...
Japan: New Years in Tokyo, and the Nomad•ness episode to rep it. Niigata and saying goodbye to life long friends and children I taught. Started off the year with a ton of goodbyes, but have been adamant about keeping in touch.
India- Late Feb into March; Three cities and a desert in eleven days. Stephanie, Melissa, and I hit the ground running in India. Holi Festival and our lives are changed forever.. Nomad•ness epsiodes and some of my favorite travel photography. Running your fingers across the Taj Mahal is out of this world.
NYC: April into August; Home sweet home, for what was supposed to be a substantial amount of time. Until an opportunity presented itself.
China: End of August; two days in Hong Kong rummaging around, getting reused to Asia. Then stranded there for four days while trying to reach home again a few days before Halloween.
Thailand: September to November; home for what would end up being two months. From the streets of Bangkok, to the country of Saraphi. Chiang Mai temporarily replaced the concrete jungle.
Cambodia: The place in Asia that stole my heart. Angkor Wat and Ta Prohm were the catalyst, and the city of Siem Reap is what kept me there past my border run, for sure. So much to see, experience, and the art...oh the art. Many back alleys there reminded me more of Europe than any Asian country I'd visited before. I'll be back.
Burma: Oh Visa-Run, how you loved us so...
Gratitude for being able to live out dreams, and for those who helped support it.
It's innately apparent that the women in Thailand have a sense of self, and tradition. When out of the cities, away from the prostitution, and in the lives of the true Thai women, there is an unyielding pride. There is a sense of protection, as well.
While sick, Thai Dad helped me out tremendously. The day my health was at its worse, he was waiting on me outside of the house, checking up every so often, and bringing food. His need to protect enraptured my sick body, and I couldn't have been more grateful for it. It was during this time I learned a lesson about Thai house protocol.
"In Thailand, it's disrespect for another man to walk into a woman's house. We must stay at the door," he explained.
This started to make sense as Thai Mom would prance in and out with the freedom of someone who owned the property, as her sister did. Thai Dad, on the other hand, always kept his distance. Popular for his front "porch" conversations, he didn't really enter the house.
That day, he continued, "But when you sick, it's OK. I will come inside to help you, if you need."Enter the protector.
From the first day we met Thai Mom, the power that radiated from her was infectious. I still don't know if the men of the house picked up on it, but I sure as hell did. She's as nurturing as she is nurtured by her husband.
It was she who aggressively confirmed, before the housemates had spoken amongst themselves, that the female is to be protected and have her own room, with a bed. There was no discussion. It was she who would worry, and interrogate the men, if she saw me walking anywhere alone along the side streets. It was she who really sparked my interest in exploring this strength that, many times, women in other countries lack. Something, at times, I know I definitely lack. Thailand understands and reveres the matriarch for her role in the household, and in the community.
Was it just Thai Mom? I explored this budding theology with a female friend who'd traveled around South East Asia a few months back.
Megan spoke of an incident on a train in which she and Kennedy were being harassed by a Thai man. The Thai women on the train created a human wall to separate the man from them, while another woman notified the police.
They don't play that here!
Of course, my experience is genuine to what my eyes have seen, ears have heard, and heart has felt, but this is something that was consistent with the entire trip.
As a woman, it feels good to see others who don't dumb down their role to appease or become one of the guys. They're women, strong and weak, emotional and logical, free and protected... unapologetic.
For this, I thank every one of them.
This particular day at work, Jean-Pierre and I had a four hour break in between classes. In the past, we’ve gone home and chilled out for a few hours, but today adventure was in the air. Where I thought we were simply headed for a joy ride towards some hot springs, Jean-Pierre was on a personal mission to find the legend, in Chiang Mai, known as Crazy Horse.
Coming from New York, I have a lot of friends that are involved in an array of hobbies. Jean-Pierre is the first ever rock climber in my circle of friends. He’s a beast on these rocks! His excitement, almost immediately, became my excitement. I knew, looking up at that rock, that I’d be witnessing JP climb up it. It was only a matter of time.
So, while riding into the jungle route, on a dirt road, re-remembering “Oh shit, I am in Thailand,” we ran into these three women from Colorado. Of course! We all got to talking and they started spitting out words and rock terminology that only rang a bell in remembering former childhood episodes of “Guts”. It was dope!
I’m very happy for him. I’m happy for all of us to find our outlets, that keep us centered back home, here. It’s just as important as finding new things here that encourage happiness. Jeremiah loves music…karaoke is his thing. As it should be, he has an amazing voice. I happen to be a writer. Sitting somewhere secluded and writing for hours brings me pleasure that many never know. Jean-Pierre is a climber. It’s in his blood. I can only respect and admire that.
So, as we spoke to these women, and as I watched one ascend and descend the rock, I could feel JP’s eyes glaring.
“He wants me to try this,” I said to myself. The weird thing was, watching the women, and JP free climb just to get a “feel” for the rock, sparked my interest as well. What is happening to me? Have I been hanging around this man too much?
Sorry for the lack of original music that was attached. YouTube goes in...
Crying is actually my default stress relief. When I have had no more, I've reached my brink, and emotions are at a high, I cry.
I'm not good at this saying goodbye piece. Never have been, never will be. I have trouble letting go, and wish I could take everyone and everything I've ever come across with me for life. I've been in the middle of a week long goodbye. I got my fight (excuse me, medley of flights) confirmed, and in 4 hours, I will start the first leg, having me end up in Bangkok before the night's end.
My next two days: Chiang Mai-Bangkok-Hong Kong-Dubai-NYC
It's a lot. Bittersweet as it is, I stand by my decision to leave the show, and Thailand, early. Approaching the 8 week mark, of 12 weeks, to be exact.
Another day, another blog, I'm sure the details will come out. Today is not about the goodies. It's about the love. All that needs to be known for the moment is that, for a number of reasons, it was time for me to head stateside.
I knew today would be difficult. From finding out last night that I'd be leaving today, I knew it was going to run me through the ringer emotionally, and it has. it's been hard for me to look Jean-Pierre and Jeremiah in the face today for fears I would collapse into tears at the very sight of their eyes. I genuinely love these two. I may have the front on now, but my heart aches, not for leaving Thailand or the project, but specifically for leaving them. They are what matters right now, on this side.
I think to the dinner they made for me the other night, and how much their actions of love transferred through their hearts and into my belly. That sounds gross but you get what I mean. I can't say enough positive things about both these men, and I am beyond grateful to have been able to truly offer them the title "friend". Friend to me, is as important as saying 'love' or 'trust'. Both of which I have for them.
One of the conversations I was dreading was that to be had with Thai Mom and Dad.
I knew, walking into it, I was going to end up as a lost cause. In the security of one of their guest houses, they sat me down in what looked to be a double therapy session.
"What happened? Why you leave?" This was repeated. I wanted nothing more than to stop myself from crying, because I know it worried them. I tried to explain that I cry because I am sad, but nothing bad has happened. Mom doesn't really play that though. She's yelled at the guys, on my behalf, for letting me walk into town alone...when it was really absolutely fine. She's made sure I was fed. Dr. Cosi drove me to and from hospitals and constantly checked up on me during the recovery of Dengue Fever. This has been a legit Thai home. I don't know what has left more of an impression, his care, or the words he left me with today.
"If you really feel I am like your father, and she like your mother, then I want to say something as like my child. When you grow into adult, sometimes you have to make a decision and not look back. You have to just keep straight if it is right for you." I needed to hear that more than he knew.
I apologize to the men of the house, in advance, I tried to calm their worries, but when Mom stops sending you free food, you'll know why.
Their daughter is a travel agent and even scored me a cheap last minute flight to take care of the leg I was missing from Bangkok to Hong Kong. Again, love. I'm surrounded by it, and grateful for it.
To these gentlemen, this house, Thai Mom and Dad, and Thailand...you have been a gracious host. I adore you for the hospitality, the learning about others and myself, as well as the very newfound appreciation I have for the concrete jungle I'm getting ready to return to.
Ka pun ka! (Thank you!)
I'm out...
Twenty hours, two countries, and seven Muay Thai fights later, we were able to rest.
Yesterday was a great day for the record books and memory bank. Jeremiah and I started off at 5am headed to Burma so we could get another two week extension to our expired visas. The ride, in reality, wasn't that bad. The border crossing was much smoother than what I went through in Cambodia. Having company there also made it more pleasant. Always nice hanging out with Jeremiah.
The previous day, I made it known to the crew that I wanted to hit up a Muay Thai fight. I'd been sitting on it for awhile. It was the one promise I made to my boyfriend; attend and shoot a Muay Thai fight. My interest was sparked from the beginning really. I personally have always had an affinity for kickboxing.
Jean-Pierre, Jeremiah, Bogdan, and I bonded last night over some round houses, bloody noses, and several weight classes. Seven fights took place last night, including a female round, and 'special fights' round that included four blind folded boxers going at each other simultaneously. Weight classes ranged from 100 lbs, to the Main Event at 168 pounds, a Thai local vs. a Frenchman.
During the female round, I left the crew to stand with the Thai men that were ringside. The energy from the women was infectious, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wondered how I would be in the ring. Could I handle the brutality, while respecting the fact that it is, in deed, an art form? One I respect very much.
Hitting me that both Jeremiah and I had been up since around 5am and traveled so far via bus, my eye lids proved to become heavy during the final round. That is, until, the fight ended in the Frenchman's win, and the ENTIRE corner that was cheering on the Thai boxer had left him stranded to leave the ring on his own. We're talking, holding onto the ring, not able to stand up straight, seeing circles, and sliding down the steps...alone. It was great. Thanks fellas!
PS. The chicks rocked it! More photos seen HERE!