Everyone is debuting and emphasizing tomorrow, January 11th, 2011. 1.11.11
Personally, I am commemorating today. 1.10.11 This day will go down in my personal history books, as the day I completed my first travel memoir.
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memoir
Everyone is debuting and emphasizing tomorrow, January 11th, 2011. 1.11.11
Personally, I am commemorating today. 1.10.11 This day will go down in my personal history books, as the day I completed my first travel memoir.
The stats:
My brain is zoned out something crazy.
So, my goal was to finish the rough draft of the memoir for January 1st. Though that did not happen, I am so close to the end it's baffling almost to believe I have been doing this for so long. Over a year writing. My brain is starting to give way.
Towards the second half of last year I swore off reading anyone else's books until I finished the rough draft of my own. I have not read a book in months and it's starting to bother me. I have barely even written in my personal journal. No bullshit, that I need to find time to do because it's one of the ways I keep my balance. Last time I wrote in a journal was Christmas. Not a good look, I'm usually every day.
It's time. It's time to get this done. It's time to feel this manuscript in my fingers, and start editing something that isn't attached to my computer screen. It's time to allow myself some outside literature and get that reading muscle stimulated.
Only about twenty pages left, I estimate...it's the final stretch.
Dear memoir....my brain hurts, but I love you.
I came across this video on fellow expat's page Cragazza . Being that I am in the last part of my book, around twenty pages away from finishing. I love the humor from the writing gods.
It's been a process y'all. I have learned so much, primarily that my adult ADD is a fact of nature and I've been going cold turkey on controlling it. I'm so used to short term projects and short term gratification. This is, by far, the longest project I have ever worked on in my life. It's also a first of its kind for me. I've been learning my process, as I indulge in it.
For over a year, I've been writing this travel memoir. I can't believe that. So much of my guts and soul are regergitated in its pages. It's my thank you to Japan and my ode to India. I cannot wait to share it with you all. Just remember, it's all a part of the package. So much to come this year.
As I couldn't stop tweeting, and updating status' on FB last night, I was so inspired by this video. I caught the live stream, from the New York Public Library.
Jay's memoir, "Decoded" drops today in stores, and last night he had the chance to bounce some of the theology, methodology, spirituality, and realness of this gem off of THE man, Dr. Cornel West.
Dr. West is my intellectual love affair. I've had the pleasure of interviewing him for J'Adore Magazine as well.
The brother is the truth. I don't know who I was more excited to see. Undoubtedly, the fusion of those two intellecutal brains, from different backgrounds and generations, coming together is a powerful force.
Witness it for yourself...
Left. Right. Up. Down. Where to go?
Ever have a situation in your life shake shit up so much that you feel like everything you think you knew, and thought you believed was all tossed back into the air at once?
Concrete theologies, certainties...blown to bits and your mind, rapidly and persistent, tries to understand what the hell is going on.
I'm not sure anymore. What do I believe? What is right? What is worth it? What is my truth?
Figuring it out...I guess.
I haven't let the stream out in awhile...when did this all start?...I still don't know how I feel about Thailand, and everyone keeps asking...work today felt great...New York has my respect...I don't want to be the face of other people's shit anymore, therefore no I'm not applying...I love my sister...my Mom passes judgments, but she's learning to apologize...Jason is the best friend for real...I wish Bethany was around...in another space and time, it could have happened...Kombucha would be nice right now...red wine fucked my stomach up... I want to feel sexy...acknowledgment...is needing attention bad, or normal?...I'm getting sick of Facebook updates...sometimes I get scared when I check pages in Twitter...I feel overwhelmed, not because of work, but because of my brain...I want to go see Rudi's bedroom...one day he told me I was a genuis who thought too much, that's why I had anxiety...he's fucking right...sex...passion...lost to be found somewhere...money comes when most crucial...relationships are hard work, every type...need a vacation...need to sit down...mad at myself for not finishing the memoir...Jeremiah's one liners...Jean-Pierre's man crib...this long curly hair...balance being honest about my life and keeping enough hidden to suffice others...this writing is probably the most therapy I've had in months...working out again...feeling better, while feeling worse...why did he ask about soul mates?...leave me alone...Natalie Imbruglia "Torn"...feels like I am once again having to prove myself, just a different scenario...be here, now...i am...real talk...letting out...let me.
Action brings dreams to life...
Flushing a conversation that I had out...
I don't get along with this person, yet I'd never not try to find the hidden "gems" that I may be able to take with me, and learn from. It's usually the most difficult people that produce the most dramatic learning opportunities in your life. Years ago I was told, "Listen to the message, despite the messenger." I've adopted that view ever since.
One of the things that stuck out in the conversation was his noting that I use the word "I", "me" and "my" more than anyone he knows.
I use the word 'know' lightly as well, just because he doesn't truly know me, himself. The short time frame, and level of past personality conflict, haven't allocated enough space and time for it. Fair enough, I would also venture to say I don't know who he truly is either.
But this note I found interesting...Interesting because it's true. This is something I know about myself. More specifically, it is something I know about myself, where I am in my life presently. I don't know if being an Aries (the sign ruled in the House of Self), or being in the midst of a numerological 1 Personal Year (the year of building self) magnifys this fact, or what, but I don't deny it's there.
It's there for a reason.
It's there because I am creating the foundation to creative projects, businesses, and relationships that fuel my soul, and will eventually fuel a livelihood. This is probably the most introspective year of my life, right now, today, as I write these words.
Writing my first book. Being a new businesses owner with Evierobbie Media. Debuting and upkeeping the Nomad•ness website and travel videos (which is doing great. Thank you all for reading and re-reading. watching and re-watcing). A new relationship. Coming into my own woman. Seeing many fruits flourish from past labor, that didn't really feel like labor because it is what I love to do. It's an extremely personal year.
Those closest to me know that I sometimes describe myself as an extrovert with very introverted tendencies, particularly writing, which has me alone and in front of my computer for hours on end, doing something I absolutely love. Those closest to me also know that through the majority of my life, I was a giver, to the point that I was panic attack ridden, with nothing left for Evita. I was physically, emotionally, and psychlogically drained for years on end. It took a long time to learn that doing something for myself is ok, with or without explanation.
It's not about me going all out only for myself. I could see where it is misunderstood as such by those who don't truly know me. It's about getting some serious moves made towards my dreams. I'll never apologize for that, as long as I'm not hurting anyone in the process.
This is a huge year in my life. I don't take any part of it for granted. I also understand that in order to accomplish certain goals, there are a number of things that need my attention. It's a beauitful thing. It's positive progress.
So when I speak on what I'm doing, it's merely to bring you into my world, voluntarily. Show you a different perspective, and a different way of doing things, not necessarily a 'better' or 'worse' way. Again, voluntarily.
It's the same reason why I update you all on Nomad•ness gals and guys that I see who embody the spirit of someone pursuing their dreams, balls to the wall. I can only support that.
(For you Malcolm Gladwell heads...why does this make me think of the 10,000 hours to genius chapter in Outliers??...)
"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot." - D. H. Lawrence
43 chapters, 192 pages, 70,223 words, 1,442 paragraphs....progress
Rainy days in Chiang Mai are made for writing memoirs...
I’m calm. Truly calm, in this moment. No cast members. No cameras. Some of my counterparts, I believe, are still asleep. Let them rest. I was the first one up and the first one out today. It’s our first storm in Chiang Mai and I love it. Rainy days, regardless of the city I am in, always agree with me. They calm my senses, slow the bustle of even a New York state of mind, and allow me to just be.
Starbucks, for those of you who really know me already understand, is a genuine constant in my life. Much of NYC•Gaijin has been written within the walls of this establishment. Niigata, Tokyo, Bronx, Manhattan, and now Chiang Mai. Anticipating the rain, I found myself excited to walk in it, feel it, and write amongst it.
I’m still slowly etching out of the creative rut I was in after Rudi’s death, and I finally feel ready to get back into the groove. The distractions of New York are thousands of miles away. The idea of getting a job, in the generic sense, is more challenging by the day. Yet, with whatever stresses I have to deal with in just surviving this place, I know writing will bring me calm and clarity. That’s why I disappear to do so.
Writing my memoir about living in Japan, and traveling to India, while currently residing in Chiang Mai, Thailand…who would’ve thunk it?
This was the line that formuted at 3:25pm for the 3:45 showing of Eat Pray Love at the Loews Theater on 19th and Broadway, in New York City. I couldn't believe it. I mean, it's a Friday. Did these people not work, take a half day, edge themselves into a hyper extended lunch?
The theater was full. For nearly two and a half hours I analyzed the film and came to a few conclusions:
1. The book was better.
2. Julia Roberts was a perfect fit for the part.
3. Nomad•ness and NYC•Gaijin have a serious purpose in my life.
4. Boyfriend got like 1000000 points for making it through the travel chick flick with me.
5. If you've ever been to Italy, India, or Bali (I have India) prepare yourself for a painfully real sense of nostalgia.
It was a good movie portraying a great book. I wasnt throw aback, and to be honest........it assured me of how innovative my sense of travel documentation has truly been.
Every once in awhile, there is a film that speaks to the core of your values and life. There's a film that guts you, whether from controversy or from truth.
I remember one day, while working at truTV, I had a co-worker Seida come up to me.
"Have you ever heard of the book Eat, Pray, Love. Evita it reminds me of your life so much. I love the way it's written. It's a little slow when she gets to India in the second part, but she reminds me of you so much. I can picture you writing a book like this one day," she said.
I responded,"No but I keep seeing people reading it on the subway. What's it about?"
Seida continued her pitch, " Oh my God you have to read it. It's about a woman who gets a divorce, then quits her job, and travels through Italy, India, and Indonesia on this trip to go find herself. It's something I could picture you doing."
I bought the book the next day. I finished the book three days later. I loved it, especially the India part. This conversation took place in Summer 2008. Little did I know that two months after it I'd be in Edinburgh, Scotland, three months after that I'd be living in Japan, and eleven months after that I'd be on my own trek around India. In conjunction with the travels, I'd start writing my own memoir. That which I am now approximately 170 pages into right now....funny how the Universe works.
I LOVED the book, and am a bit of a skeptic of the book to film transition. But this one, I HAVE to go see.
For all the women out there. For all the true life livers out there. For all the travelers out there. This film is the story of just one of us. Don't worry mine is coming...
Between Basquiat and Eat Pray Love I'll be spending this weekend at the theater.
It's no coincidence that I have been back for over a week and still have yet to post a thorough blog about my time in India.
As a writer, India presented a tangible challenge. How does one convey the power of the images, smells, and emotion captured in a place that saturates the senses in all these ways? India led to some of the best photography I have taken, to date, as you can observe throughout this blog. I also have video footage that I will be spending the next few weeks making heads and tails of for upcoming episodes of Nomad•ness. Overwhelmed with wondering how I was to relay the information of this trip, it wasn't until I started giving slide presentations to my schools in Japan, as a final lesson, that I got the energy and insight to push it out. The look on these children's eyes when I show them photos of me covered in the colors of Holi, or riding a camel, or kids their age too poor to go to school. They get it, and for a moment I see their eyes open beyond Japan. I want to influence everyone I meet enough to make them get over the fear, and get on the plane. This was my journey...
India.
The memoir will most definitely retain the details of my travels, but here I offer some photos as navigation through the most uncomfortable, scary, dirty, invigorating, and rewarding experience of my life. I thought living in Japan for a year made me a warrior. Little did I know what India had to offer.
The ten day trek took Melissa, Stephanie, and I through New Delhi, Jaipur, Pushkar, and Agra. We stayed in the North, venturing locally on buses and trains in the uncomfort of stares, being followed, and constant invasion of personal space. The ratio of men to women, outside, is highly uneven and it is not uncommon to find yourself surrounded by gazing men offering you rides, deaf to the word "No."
Northern India is also knows for being cultural, yet extremely poverty plagued. The South is known more so for the cleanliness, tourists, and resorts. Needless to say, I am happy we ventured in the North first.
They live the way they must. It is the begging of the children that tears you to pieces, but there is a silent understanding.
Five of our ten days we spent in Jaipur, celebrating Holi Festival of Colors, becoming masked by vibrant paint powder colors. The Elephant Festival was amazing, even after I drew a crowd of laughing male faces at my attempts to get on top of a horse. Good times.
Holi was one of the best days of my life, and Stephanie's 30th birthday. Mayhem, chaos, alcohol, and all of us in a humvee were the symbols of the day. We started by braving the Jaipur streets with our new friends and 'bodyguard' and we ended it in a private party hosted by Jaipur's elite, inside the garden of an old palace. The day was a real life fairy tale.
We continued through Jaipur onto the Amber Fort where we were surprisingly greeted by a snake charmer. All three of us took the charmer's word for it, stating that the snake wasn't poisonous, and touched the cobra. My brother would have been proud. When in Rome...right? There were elephants, monkeys, pigs, buffalo, and camels everywhere. Over dinner in the desert I had a monkey scare the hell out of me while I was eating outside, only for it to get into a fight with a cat. I cannot make this stuff up.
We intended to spend three days in Agra, but as per everyone's recommendation, it was too long. Agra also proved to be the dirtiest of the places we went so within twenty-four hours we got there and left, walking away from our hotel payments and all. Though the city left much to be desired, it was here I saw my mecca and the reason why I ventured to India in the first place.
Taj Mahal. The most epic representation of love.
We even saw Japanese people there, something that makes me feel very much at home now. How ironic?!
In leaving Agra, we rerouted for the unplanned part of the itinerary, Pushkar aka the desert aka Little Israel. It's a bit of a hippy town packed right in the middle of the desert and steep hills. We spent two days in Pushkar doing cheap shopping, gawking at the fine Israeli that ran the Internet Cafe, fighting off pink lizards and stomach issues, while riding camels for hours. It was here I met my 10 year old camel guide, the most fascinating young man I have met in my life.
Leaving Pushkar, I headed back to Japan to conclude my year long journey there, and my fellow travelers flew to South Africa.
Sugoy! Amazing!
If it seems as though I am recalling events, yet not emotion, it is because I still am. I am still searching for the right words to formulate the right sentences, to spit out all that I have in.
I am forever grateful for India. If for no other reason, I know I can sleep anywhere and find some comfort. If for nothing else, because even at my worst, I have so much more than those in the Northern part of their country. In its ugly, I find such a raw beauty. I look forward to the day I find the words...the memoir is going to be amazing.
Loving my life!