legacy...

The Pastor said that my Aunt EB was the last to speak during the 'Reflections' part of my counsin Shalanda's funeral, this past Tuesday. A week ago today. At this point, I'd attempted to get up twice, to speak on behalf of the cousins, and really let out what had been on my heart. My Great-Aunt EB finished her story on how she was the designated person to break the news to my grandmother. EB finished, the Pastor went to take the podium... but Grandma (a woman I get much of my personality from) took the floor.

"I know the Pastor said EB was the last one to speak, but Grandma is here. I am in control," she said.

A collective 'Ok, here we go...' uttered from the lips, along with laughs in the family section. My Uncle Stevie and his 'Ok Ruth, I'm scared of you,' towards his mother is truly the hysterical subcontext that the Robinson/Brevard family is made of. My cousin Jewel, sitting side by side to me, saying that we were going to confuse people with how seamlessly the family section will go from crying hysterics to sheer laughter at our inside jokes.

Grandma finished, and I never did get the 3 minutes allocated to say what I'd intended...at least not during the services.

Two limos filled with family, leading from Collins Funeral Home, to the cemetary. The grandchildren packed into the second limo, myself included. The message I had was really intended for my younger cousins, as I'm the oldest.

"Well now that we're all in here, I want to tell you all what I wanted to say inside. Take the time to have an honest discourse with yourself, and figure out, what is your legacy? This is a one way ticket. What do you want to represent and leave behind for people to remember you by? You must take the time to do this, especially while you are young. It's so serious."

I think they heard me. I hope they heard me. Sister, and little cousins, all emotionally raw and all in the tightest bond we possible have ever had.

legacy...

Fast forward to this past Sunday. It was the Tribe's 1st ever NYC BBQ at Riis Beach. Stunning day and amazing company. Yet, there was one conversation that brought me back to the conversation I had in the limo. High Council member, Macario and I found ourselves talking about the growth of the group, and our plans going into the end of 2012. Macario touched right on it.

"You know you've created something that is never going to stop. Ever! Ever. It will just keep growing."

Honestly, I try to keep moving, and rarely take moments to 'stop and think' about what's been created from a mere thought...the most important things we have are ideas. Coming off the previous week, I knew that I needed to listen, breathe in the beach and the sentiment. I reached the point of no return with Nomad.ness over six months ago. Approaching the Panama trip, I'd say is when if things were going to fall apart, they would have. But they didn't. And they won't. There will be adjustments, massive growth, and a ton of additions to what really makes up Nomad.ness, but it is my public legacy and I approach it as such. All the more poignant after witnessing my 24 year old cousin transition to the ther side. 

Your giggle and smile (that made you look Chinese) Shalanda, will be missed. I love you sweetie. Please send all your strength to the family, but in particular your mother and Grandma. Watch over us all, and tell Rudi I said hello.

RIP Shalanda...love you

off the grid...

Bluff Resort in Bocas Del Toro, Panama:: Tribe Headquarters

I titled this photo, 'Good Morning' because it is what the Tribe woke up to, everyday, while we stayed in Panama this past week. Our own oasis, private beach, and dirt road with no name.

We were completely off the grid.

Solar powered everything, rain water recycled showers, and no internet access after the first rain drop fell. It was perfect. No talk of tv, cell phones, and the lack of internet (knowingly) because in the end we knew it was about us. The quote that kept floating around the week was 'everyone who was supposed to be here, is here.' I believe in my gut that this is true.

To wake up everyday to the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore, watching a native crack open a coconut with the blade of their machete for your breakfast, and breathing in the wealth of air was one thing. But, for me, as the 'creator' of this Tribe, it was a daily reminder of the truth that comes with the belief of manifest destiny. It wasn't the place for me, it was the people.

This was the first ever Tribe group trip. The Genesis of it all. This, in hindsight, is where if everything is going to fall apart, it should have. 18 strangers (for the most part), living under one roof, in a foreign country, only knowing each other through online, no readily available transportation, no television or phones for distractions, just us...and it was absolutely amazing. Words have scattered their way around my brain, but it's still a struggle to put it all together to emphasize exactly what I feel.

Pride. Will. Faith. Family. Knowing. Trust. Love. Love. Love...

love. In many, various forms, I feel we all found that. I know I did to varying degrees.

For me, this trip showed me first hand that no matter how outlandish people think my dreams are, they are mine for a reason, and they will all come true, as I intend. This trip showed me that no matter what people's opinion of who I am, what I do, and how I do it are...it's my visionary journey and in that, and the Universe, I will trust wholeheartedly. Whether I have known you for decades or days, you will see how I create. I will make you a believer.

Ultimately, what I took from this trip were two ideas that transcend 'I' in any form: the essence of family and team. This is a family. There is a bond that the people have on this trip that will never be duplicated. We were the pioneers. We cooked dinner together every night, and woke up to eat breakfast together every morning. In reality, I can't tell you the last time I've even done that with my own biological family. Real talk.

Team work makes the dream work.

As I think back, look through photos, and video footage, it's all about team. Again, I surrender to the fact that in the threads, in the Tribe, we speak openly about prefering to travel alone, yet the speed with which 18 of us packed up to move in together or a week, was brain numbing. From people helping me with shooting this week, to people cooking dinner, to cleaning, it was all team.

The Jungle Brothers gave the Tenders a sense of protection. The Tenders gave the Jungle Brothers a sense of being nurtured. We support one another as a unit.

I don't even know how many of us can say that about our own families, yet we have one another. It's also the reason why I have always known that this journey was bigger than just me. It's why the Tribe now plays a very specific role in the series, as you will see once the Panama episode is edited down. It's why I always knew that I was a messenger of the Universe, and as I have said to the stars above 'Use me'. I see myself as a vessle for change. Worldwide change.

this trip. these people. their heart. my vision. our travels. Nomad•ness Travel Tribe forever.

The Firsts:

thank you for trusting in the vision. trusting in me. love each and every one of you.

-Evie

family.

This photo breathes life...

Jayden and Jada Pinckett-Smith

if I have a son...

One day, years from now...if I have a son...best believe he will own this outfit... and we will rule the world together...no words for how dope this photo truly is.

square peg, round hole...

When I initially tried to post this blog yesterday, the computer I was at started freezing. Too much goodness for one monitor. I didn't force it and figured there was a reason.

Initially, this was just going to be a post about relationships. The advice my mother gave me that it was time, when looking for a serious relationship, to stop trying to push a square peg into a round hole. I've done a lot of forcing in my past. Very rarely, if ever, have the guys I met been a 'perfect' fit. Past relationships tended to need some maneuvering, and shifting, shaving down, even breaking in order to go through. It shouldn't be like that.

Then my day took a turn for the worse...

And I found myself asking this same exact question in regards to family members with explosive personalities. Clashing forces, one square and one round. There I was in the middle trying to shove one into the other, to find a middle ground and sense of peace to the situation, only for the tide to turn against the peacemaker. Even when  you have the best intentions, sometimes it's best to just let a square be a square, a circle be a circle, and move the fuck on...

observations of Jada...

As we know from past posts, I'm a Jada/Will enthusiast. One day looking to truly define my future marriage as the ultimate power couple. I've posted many a blog about the Smith family, and they age like fine wine. Peep Jada on defining freedom as a woman, and watching Will become more introspective as a man. This is what a real relationship looks like.

in remembrance of a Genius...1 Year Later

Approaching 1 Year later and you're still gone. The 'Anniversary' hits on June 17, 2011.

Nightmares have surfaced and anxiety has reared its head, the closer we get to the anniversary. My mind plays back your wake, speaking at your funeral, and the laughs Mom and I shared while visiting your grave for the first time. Luckily, I also remember the good times. Us running Iona and demolishing North Avenue. Our talks with Brother Devlin, and even kisses shared. I miss you, but I feel you. I talk to you. I hear you and see you everywhere. Gifts around my apartment. Hell, my apartment.

You're with me everyday and I know you've been aiding in all that has transpired in my life over the last year. Never forgotten, only more loved!

Spin n Peace DJ Genius

For those who knew him, contact me about the Reunion BBQ. It's on Saturday June 18th.

-V

Thai Dad's Art...

My former landlords and Thai Dad/Mom from Chiang Mai have kept their promise of keeping in touch. Coming home for the first time in almost two days, I had an email waiting from Dad that again warmed my heart. I was suprised to find 15 attachments in the email.

The last letter he sent, also came with a laminated watercolor that he'd done. He was an artist in the earlier part of his life and has even had his art in the walls of the Guggemheim Museum (the people I meet abroad). Tonight, he sent me photos of other works of his. Above is the piece he sent me, and below, is my favorite of them all.

Mother and child. So pure, and beautiful. It also correlates to thoughts about my future family that I've been having lately. All in due time.

Missing Thai Mom and Dad.

Plan B...

So today I found myself entering probably the third agreement of its kind. I know all of my friends, and I'm thinking the greater public, has had a conversation with a friend of the opposite sex that went a little something like this.

"If you're not married with kids, and I'm not married with kids, by 'x' age. We need to just hook up and have a kid or get married."

It usually ends in laughter, but it also ends in oral agreement. I think the first time I made this pact, I was in high school. I don't even speak to that person anymore and have no idea what path their life has taken, but I write about this because lots of my male and female friends said they have had this very conversation.

So today, my friend and I made this pact. I'd venture to say it's a bit scarier when you say it as an adult.

I aimed for 6 years, he decided it'd be best to round it off at 5 years. I assume, his recently turning 30 would give way to that (no it's not Jason...I can already hear the speculation now). But it's funny, how as people we do these  types of things. The illusion of comfort in a back up plan. Plan B. 

I ask though, even if all in fun, is there a seriousness to this type of pact?

PS. Shout out to the VERY elderly woman, Sally I met today. My friend and I. He on her left side, and I on her right, inched our way from 12th and 2nd avenue, to 9th and 2nd Avenue, to make sure she got there ok. Enduring an endless conversation with the misconception that he and I were a couple.

"She's 27. You're 30. Very good ages. You've got a good girl," she said.

To appease her he simply responded, "I know."

a graduate among us...

I have watched the person in this photo grow from an annoying younger brother, to a full grown respectable man. I have seen him go through less than stellar phases of his life, to coming out on the other side unscathed. I have seen a young man, who easy could have been another negative statistic, grow into an addition of Florida International University's 2011 graduating class.

I was proud to the point of tears. I literally face planted into his chest, crying, at the end of the ceremony. The feeling was overwhelming to take in, or let out. My little brother. My little big brother. It sometimes bugs me out that we can talk now, and actually relate. The same boy who used to mimic me, fight me, and purposely push all my buttons, is now someone I can go to for advice and ventilation. Life is funny.

So here's to you, and FIU's 2011 Graduating class!

Shouts out to FIU for having the best graduation I have ever been to in my life. Done in 2 hours flat. Streamers busting out of sides of the gym, 'CELEBRATE" blasing from speakers, and a full on DJ blaring Spanish music when you walk out into the parking lot. Their graduation immediately turns into a party, refreshments and all. Amazing.

The world is yours guys and gals! Live it!

I'm Irish...no really.

For those of you who either know me personally, or have seen me in real life, or simply watch Nomad•ness
episodes, it doesn't take a scientist to realize that I'm mixed with a whole lotta something. Well, one of the ethnicities that runs close in my family blood line is that of being Irish. It starts with my grandmother on the maternal side, and gets more and more prominent the farther down the line you go.

I didn't believe it at first, until I saw an old sepia photo of my great grandfather and he looked just like the man in the picture above. Crazyyyyy!

Happy St. Patricks Day.

One of these days I will make it to Ireland.

the last two days...and London

The last two days shows me that I'd go through Dengue Fever ten times rather than go through the stress of  an immediate family member in pain...'Tis all.

I'll get back to the blogging tomorrow.

On a side note, anyone have any info on taking courses with the University of the Arts London's London College of Communication?

2 years in the making...

This week represents something that has been in the making for two years.

It's the first time in two years that I've been home for the holiday season. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. the entire season. Family, friends, boyfriend, pets, the 'neighborhood'. It all comes alive.

New York City, during Christmas is nothing less than angelic.

Thanksgiving boasts it's Macy's parade. Carols sneak their way into elaborate store front displays. Ice skating become the exercise of choice in Bryant Park and Rockefellar Center. It's just the vibe.

2 years in the making...

Willow Smith "I Whip My Hair" Video

Speaking of Black girls who rock...a new joint from the Smith family!

Taking notes!

It has got to be an amazing feeling to be able to foster your kids' dreams and see them produce quality work. Much props to the Smith clan for another one.

Sesame Street recently released their "I Love My Hair" skit, which I commend, in recognizing beauty in Back girl's hair. More recently, it got the Willow Smith makeover and I love it! I laughed so much because I could pick which hairstyle out that I was. I think I saw a few girlfriends in there too...too cute.

doctor's diagnosis is Dengue...

Apparently, I have Dengue Fever. Why wouldn't I? I can now check this off the list of unneccesary shit to go through during life. Another badge of honor. Something else that legitimizes the fact that. "Oh yea, you are a traveler." Bullshit.

I wish I could say that this was rare, but that'd be a lie. I've heard more about Dengue Fever here than I have traveling anywhere else. Apparently, there's been an influx, and Chiang Mai is not out of the line of fire, nor is Cambodia...so we don't know where I caught it. Yes, I probably ate something shitty in Cambodia, but that doesn't necessarily equate to Dengue.

All of my inital symptoms have subsided with due diligence and vitamins, but today the dizziness was at a height. Walking to try to get food, while being on a liquid diet for damn near two days, in Thailand heat, left me helpless when I was faced with a trek back home. We're talking, a five minute walk, that I felt I would have passed out during, if I was to complete it. I hailed a tuk tuk. I'd officially had it. Time for a second opinion.

My male landlord, also known as Thai Dad, is a retired doctor who studied in New York. Luckily, he was home. Excuse me, he was pulling out of his driveway when I came over yelling his name. He took me for food. When he saw the trouble, and painstaking amount of time it was taking for me to get it down, he took me to another hospital.

Enter Rajavej Chiang Mai Hospital.

I'm still not sure what my doctor's name was. He just told me to call him Will. I dug it. He said what I was feeling was very consistent with what normal foreigners go through when they travel, but that he wanted to check my blood to see if there is any infection. I dug him more, considering the first hospital did no such thing.

Lab. Needle in Arm.

Thirty minutes later, I was called back in with results. Everything was ok, except my white blood cells are about half of what they're supposed to be.

"I think you get bit my mosquito. Your platelets are normal though so no malaria. I say you have a mild case of dengue fever. It's almost over, maybe done on Friday. It takes usually one week," said Will.

"Ok, so there's no medicine?"

"No, viral. Get more electrolyte packets. You can buy at any store. Make sure you start to eat more. Drink a lot of water and stay away from alcohol. We will schedule another blood test on Friday morning so you can see the difference."

Thai Dad, Dr. Cosi, took care of me today. We stocked  up on electrolyte packets, cough syrup, food, and fluids. He laughed at me. "You can tell crazy story now. I was so sick, and home alone." As all the guys were gone until the next day. Or so I thought...

I was surprised by two of my favorites about an hour ago. While I was mixing my concoction, they walked through the door. When I asked why they'd returned so early, Jean-Pierre offered over a "just making sure you're alright". I love these dudes...

Ps. For more info on Dengue Fever click here. Inform yourself.

Pps. Fuck mosquitos.

Ppps. Even if I did get this in Cambodia, I'd still go back because it was bomb! :)

(home)sick.(love)sick...

'Love Sick' by Yukiba

My Thai mother came over. Her husband, who is a retired doctor and speaks English, told her I have been under the weather. She speaks no English. She came over to check on me and brought me over some soup and bread to eat. Despite a magnificent language barrier, I somehow understood when she offered to drive me to the hospital, if I felt the need to go again. Her smile is one of the first things that made me smile all day. Her laugh is so pure. Her motherly instinct is infectious.

As soon as she left, I started crying hysterical...out of nowhere. No PMS to be found (which could be a semi-logical reason for the outburst). I couldn't hold it back. I checked the time and realized that my real Mom would be up driving to work. Can we say, Skype?

Sometimes it's just good to hear her voice. The voice of the woman who birthed you, and knows what's wrong most times before you address it yourself.

"Evita? How are you?"

Waterworks...like the scene out of a chick flick. "I don't know why I can't stop crying."

As per usual, she hit it on the head.

"You're homesick. You're sick, but you're homesick. You miss your honey."

She's right. On top of feeling the stomach sick, I've been feeling the draw of home more and more as the days go by. It happens to many of us, even the more seasoned of travelers. Don't be fooled. We all just have different triggers.

Boy, did I cry. She let me let it out. I haven't felt this homesick in awhile, and definitely not since being on this particular trip. I'm homesick and lovesick. New York, family, and Nelson feel like the recipe part of me wished my doctor ordered.

I also wonder if, with the trip to Cambodia being such a high point (and personal goal) of mine, if in a way coming back to Chiang Mai depressed me a bit. I actually venture to say, I know it did. Back to the sameness of the house, small city, personality agreements and conflicts. I came back mentally rejuvenated, and frankly, happy. I feel as though I'm slowly descending the high and it fucking sucks. I've become bored in Chiang Mai and it's making the idea of two more months in this scenario seem daunting, not to mention unneccesary.

The physical symptoms are slowly subsiding...but I have to figure out a specific course of action to deal with the emotional bit. Soup and Vitamin C don't cure mediocrity.

round two...fight!

Yes, I played and loved Mortal Kombat as a child…thank you very much!

So…in conjunction to Jean-Pierre’s recount of the sugar induced first class, we did find a sense of calm in the second class. Jean-Pierre and my first day teaching in Thailand. First class was a doozie, but that’s what makes them unique, even when they’re running around rearranging furniture. Our female student’s name is, King. Why do I love that?

Evierobbie Everywhere!

We're officially in business!!

Gratitude and love for all the supporters...

why she rocks...Jada in Burbank, California

George Lopez hosted the lovely Jada Pinkett-Smith on the show and (again) she showed why she rocks!

My type of woman...

I get an energy from her that really manifests what it's like to be a strong willed woman. It's no secret, from past posts, both Jada and Will are looked up to for inspiration in my own relationship.

You can only have respect for this family.

one with the Universe...

(I warn, this may be hard to read. Not as hard as it was writing it.)

Rudi,

Walking home from a day of long hours, on a shoot tonight, I realized I'd be by my computer around 12:45am tonight. From the newspaper articles I've been reading on your death, that was the same exact time, forty-eight hours ago, when you died. I remember being on the phone with Nelson, talking about following our life's passions, exactly forty-eight hours ago, not knowing you were in Norwalk taking your last ride.
The newspaper also said that your motorcycle (which many people, including myself didn't know you'd purchased) hit a curb, became airborne, and landed in an intersection. You didn't have a license for the bike, nor were you wearing a helmet, and your were pronounced dead on arrival. These are the facts...
Rudi, I'm angry. I'm livid. I'm pissed because deep in my heart I feel this didn't have to happen. I don't know what made you purchase the fucking thing, nor do I know what made you get on it forty-eight hours ago. All I know is you are gone...
I've been trying to use detachment as a way of coping with this all. It's still so surreal. I would deflect my sadness onto others I saw as being closer to you than I...Fedler, Tommy, Jimmy, your family...I would say things to myself like, "But they must really be feeling it." Yea, well bullshitting myself has officially ceased because in reality, few people were as close to you as I was.
I have been fortunate enough as to have you in my life as a best friend, BEST FRIEND all through college, lover, and boyfriend for a short while. Few people on this Earth know my ins and outs the way you do, and the love you had for me was unconditional, eternal, and sometimes scary. Just keeping it real.
I'm getting many messages from people, some I've never met, who are genuinely worried about me. I feel like I'm in a bit of a fish bowl and I was so close that it was too close. I feel like people see, or speak with me, and it's one of the closest connections they have to you. For some, it's too much to handle, especially if I break down.
Truthfully, I'm scared. I'm scared of myself and what my reaction(s) are going to be as time goes on. I'm terrified of the possibility of seeing your lifeless body, and trying to cope with the idea that I will not hear your voice, from you. I'm nervous to see Josh, Fedler, Kennedy...I am so fucking scared.
I cannot bring myself to write an RIP, or to sign a message like this on your Facebook page. Within hours, your updates and life, turned into a shrine of memories. I can't fathom that.
There are too many memories to name. We knew everything about each other and there are intimate moments that only you and I can recollect. Josh and I spoke about how you aren't going to be around to see him and Chanel wed. I told him about your 'affection' and how I still have it. I think I'm going to bring it to the wake.
Rudi, this is tearing me apart because I truly feel this didn't have to occur. You were on your way. It was evident to us all.
I truly feel, I can say that no one knows your passion for DJing like me. As you've told me on many occasion, I take the crown on that one. I may have bought that first lesson, but YOU kept going with it. You took it to another level. When everyone else thought you were crazy, you knew I was there and had your back 100%. That was how we rolled. I am so proud of you. And, in your passing, if there is one thing I am truly happy for it's that you are being noted as a DJ!!! That is your legacy. You would have it no other way.
In my eyes, you were always a DJ, but more importantly you were a best friend. You are now the most official guardian angel I could ever ask for. I don't worry because you can protect me now in a way far beyond the reach of anything you could have done while in your physical shell. You are now a part of the Universe that I would talk to you about in length. All my Law of Attraction talk, that you eventually started to play with on your own. You are truly one with the Universe. Forever.
I ask for you to look over me during your services. I really don't want to pass out, and you know how I do with the anxiety attacks. I remember you telling me that I got them because I was a genius, and I thought to much.
I ask for you to just give me strength and guidance through all future trials and tribulations, this one now...being you. Your energy is with me always. I love you!

V, Vivi, Verbal...Evita

Donations to his family can be made at http://www.itsdjgenius.com