Viewing entries tagged
relationships
Traveling with someone forces you into another level of comfort. There really isn’t much shame to be had in a small New York City hotel room where the toilet is separate from the shower and sink. Here is what I learned and this is why we are both better for it.
Apparently a travel blogger took her life (non Tribe affiliated) this past weekend. Her last post was about how her traveling lifestyle has left her extremely lonely and heartbroken. This is something that comes up in the Tribe a lot. Can you find love as a nomad? Does it take being in one place all the time? Does the other person have to be an avid traveler too? Something very unique to travelers and while I don't think suicide was the answer, I understood a lot of what she was saying. Three years ago I think it would have been hard to be with me...LIVING in Japan and Thailand, backpacking South East Asia...I admit, I was gone a lot! Yet, had someone who stuck it out, which I still am grateful for.
But it was hard and the #1 reason why I don't want anymore long distance relationships. I want someone tangible, real, that i can touch. Again, this comes up in the Tribe a lot. Figured I would open it up to a broader audience for feedback.
Could you date someone living on the road?
Could you date someone who has a home base but dips out every say six weeks?
Would you go?
As a woman who, sadly, has had to leave a number of past boyfriends behind in my own personal pursuit to see the world, this photo project that Murad Osmann has put together touches my heart.
Starting in Barcelona, in October 2011, Osmann and his girlfriend have been to dozens of countries and taking their noted 'follow me' photo in each place. This is an amazing declaration of love, travel, and adventure. Three of my favorite things. In a less artistically literal form, I look forward to this moment with someone in my life.
#Nomadness
Read more on Osmann HERE.
For those of you who missed the interview/guest spot that I had last night on the ever entertaining Lincoln Anthony Blades' radio show 'Let Me Tell You Why You're Wrong'...
Last night we explored the subject of: Are women who date men, based on their potential, smart or stupid?
Though I've been super saturated with work on the series and Tribe, I've been in this very emotional state. Hormones? Who knows? But it's there and it's quite prevalent. It also happens to be pseudo-embarrasing, as I broke down in joyful tears on the middle of Flatbush Avenue this week. I saw my street cred dissipating before my eyes, draining down my face....
The nature of the positive tears?
The realization of the difference between dating someone who supports your travels, versus dating someone who engages in travel themselves. The conversation began with me referenceing my ex. An upstanding man, who I will always respect and show gratitude towards for standing by my side, theoretically, during the most mobile years of my life, thus far. For three years nearly, there were a lot of tears shed at airports, and me second guessing my need for travel, due to repeatedly leaving the man I was with back in New York. I remember coming back from Thailand specifically...I was drowning in travel withdrawl. The Tribe wasn't up (so I had no social community I felt I could go to), and my solem depression led me to set up a 'date' with my friend Xianix. I needed to talk to a traveling friend who would get it. This necessity for someone to relate to my feelings was mentally and emotionally exhaustive. This was one of the times I wanted so bad for the man I was dating to look me in the eyes and say, "I understand what you're going through."
Instead I got, "I'm sorry I just can't relate."
To no fault of his, I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the end. And as time would show, it was. No one had done anything wrong, but in one sentence I realized that his non-relation to what I was going through, and not being a traveler himself, guaranteed that he was going to be missing out on a huge part of my life, let alone the woman I was growing into. For the next few months, I drudged through my travel depression, called the few friends that I had who'd been abroad, and promised myself that I would 'go out' more in order to make myself 'feel better'. It was a very cloudy, mysty period. I felt like I was going though life, yet not living it. And definitely not sharing it with somebody else.
Fast forward 2 years later...relation appeared.
Unexpectedly, and with the full court press type of persuance, I find myself in a relatinship with a traveler. Someone who not only relates to the obsession, but taps his veins too. A man who not only wants to go on the trips, but has the buddy passes to make it happen. A love that started on foreign soil and developed domestically. Someone who doesn't mind sleeping in airports if it means catching the early morning flight. I am like a kid in a candy store. You mean to tell me that I have all this in one package of a man... and I can have sex with him too? (yes...I just said that.)
So yea, these joyful tears that were shed in the middle of a Jamaican restaurant in Brooklyn...warranted.
Thoroughly enjoying the upgrade from support to relation.
Some of you have found this photo for purchase in the 'photos.' tab, but I wanted to give it some back story.
I took this shot, on my last day in Panama, while sitting next to someone I'm headed to spend some time with this weekend.
Someone, who took my trip from a point of observation, to a point of personal interaction. Someone who swooped into my life from off his vine, enveloped my mind, and rearranged my heart.
When I told him I was too busy to be exclusive, he questioned it. When I said I was merely in Panama to watch everyone else have a good time, he made sure I allowed myself to as well.
Every night, when we talk, he slightly opens another part of me that was once hiding behind the work, the passion, and the myth of 'me'.
Every night...whether he knows it or not, I thank him for it.
'jane.'
Those who have been around the world of Evie for awhile know that this travel obsession started around 2006, yet I'd been in the blogging realm since 2004 with (dare I resurrect the name) evitaspen.com when all I did was spoken word based....and extrememly personal, vulnerable.
With that said....
I'm in a super vulnerable state right now, and I haven't felt this way in a really long time. It's freaking me out. I left the Tribe, in Panama, with a little bit more than I bargained for and my heart is fighting my head. My running shoes are laced up, tied tight, but for some reason the door is locked baracaded and I can't get the f*ck out. I'm in the room searching for windows, planning my escape, only to find out that the only way out, is up. And to get up, I have to rely on the arms, intention, help, protection, and care of someone else here with me. The thing is, there are others at the top who want to play hero. They're yelling down to me, offering to drop rope, ladders, whatever it takes to get me out. Yet, for some reason.....I'm thinking about counting on the arms, intention, help, protection, and care of the one who is down here with me.
If I allow myself to be vulnerable...
Here are my Top 3s of 2011:
Top Places:
1. Germany
2. NYC
3. Miami
Top People: (needed 7)
1. Mikey
2. Public Enemy
3. Greg Selkoe
4. Thomas
6. Kali Blocker
7. Jason Francis
Top Events:
2. Mikey's Graduation
Top 3 Hardest Moments:
1. Rudi 1 year memorial
2. Breakup with Nel
3. Being a 1st responder to a motorcycle accident
Top 3 Books:
3. The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell
Top 3 Memorable Moments:
1. 1st Tribe Meet Up in NYC
2. Tacheles
3. Battle of the Sexes
Top 3 Epic Fails:
1. Attempting to be a Cougar
2. Feeling the need to always have to explain myself
3. Falling off the healthy eating bandwagon towards the end of the year
Top 3 Words/Phrases:
1. Dope
2. Tribe After Dark
3. I'm just sayin'
Top 3 Successes:
1. Kickstarter.com
2. Nomad•ness Travel Tribe
3. Write up in BlackEnterprise.com and Clutch Mag
Top 3 Trips for 2012:
1. Panama
2. Germany
3. Spain
Top 3 Plans for 2012:
1. Be on/affiliated with Black Girls Rock!
2. Be 100% totally financially self-sufficient off of Nomad•ness endeavors and evierobbie. media.
3. Nomad•nessTV to acquire funding in the area of $500,000 or more to go ahead transform the world through this series, with proper financials through advertising, sponsorships, investors, and income
4. Integrate the Tribe and the series seamlessly
5. Hit the college and university population with a vengenance through workshops, panels, and hosting to spread the word of travel and tolerance to the demographic I've always intended to hit
I've realized, specifically over the course of this insane last 7 days that I've had, that I'm turning into my ex boyfriend. I'm turning into the person he was when we broke up, to be exact....
Now, this isn't a bad thing but it's a hell of a realization to have, and it shows me that life is spinning in a climax of organized chaos at the moment.
I have tons of respect for my ex, and there is a part of me that will always appreciate what we shared together. He still has split parentship of my cat for goodness sake.....
Anyway....
When we decided to split, it was a point at which he (probably even moreso than I) was gunning for his dreams like a fu*king Mac truck down the Auto Bahn. There was no stopping him. Frankly, that was one of the things I found sexiest about him. He was working two jobs, going to auditions, booking auditions, hitting the gym daily, and taking acting classes.
He turned into a machine.
I have never, in my life, ever witnessed anyone lock in and load off the way this man could. It was inhumane at points in time. Then at the end of it all, he had me. An entrepreneur and dream driver myself (no doubt) but as a woman I was born with that multitasking gene where we can do everything effectively for the most part, while only throwing our emotional stability into jeopardy.
So that was me, and that was him. And that's where it had to end.
Now, some nine months after the split. I am in a point in my life of machinery. I have become that damn machine. I juggle between any three given jobs, depending on the week, the Tribe, the series, building the business, and trying to keep some type of workout regime myself.
I more clearly understand where he was at this time. It's a mix of juggling and balancing simultaneously.
In looking at where I am, I asked myself the other day: How was he ever in a relationship and still doing all this stuff?
Granted, I am extremely supportive of my man's pursuits, so there wasn't any bitching. I initiated the end before we got there.
But damn....still. I don't know how he did it for however long he did because I realized over the course of this last week: I have no time to be in a serious relationship.
Besides being terrified of anything that would take time, energy, and focus away from this here movement....I simply don't have any of those things to spare at the moment. nada.
So I guess, this blog is a, "Ahh, I get it now..." type of blog. But it also let's me know I'm locked in. I have the most going on than ever. And I'm the farthest along I've ever been. That's not a coincidence.
I'm heading home knowing that I'm making the right decision...building is coming first right now, and being single (mingling is fine) is in my best interest at the moment.
to be continued....
Those readers who have been here for awhile know that through the years, particularly while traveling, that I have been in long distance relationships. One, in particular, that spanned half of my time in Japan and the duration of my time in Thailand.
Single now, since March, I find myself in a seesaw during this rejuvenation period. Up: I flirt with the intensity of a million warriors. I understand, respect, and appreciate the freedom of being able to do what I want, when I want, how I want, and with who I want (if I choose to) without the say so from someone else. I also am able to delegate my energy how I see fit. Down: I miss the comfort, support, love, and feeling (yes, that feeling) of one man in my life. I too respect, understand, and appreciate, the comfort of a love, or lover.
Where's the balance?
I'm at a scary point in my life right now. Scary in that, within the next few months my dreams will be coming true on some massive scales. And although I do believe that the women are definitely the natural born multi-taskers of the sexes, I feel as though I'm turning into the issue I had with my ex: not wanting to give over my energy, love, and time. I told him, during the days approaching our demise.
"As an entrepreneur I respect your hustle. As your girlfriend, I hate its guts."
He was a machine. For the woman who juggles a million things at once, including a travel movement, that's a lot to say.
Yet, and still, with the irony of life, I (now) understand more and more where he was in his life because I feel as though I may be there right now. There are guys, two in particular, who have caught my attention. And as much as I'd love to go there with either, there is an apprehension I feel.
I know how deep I fall in love. I know how powerful it is. I know how all consuming it can be and it's becoming daily now that I ask myself if I'm willing to give that type if energy over to a relationship, in any kind of near future.
With that, one would require the long distance component again. I'm used to that set up, but not in the context of having to start off that way. Our foundation would have to be built from two different countries.
A glimpse into my life.
reflection of a previous relationship's demise...
Last night some of the ladies from the Nomad•ness Travel Tribe and I got to talking about men, as there was a plethora of them at Steph's going away party last night in DUMBO, and the theory of bark over bite.
With men being seen, and assumed to be the more aggressive of the sexes, do they always assume that role?
What do you find as the more prevalent answer to the question: What's harder, your bark or your bite?
When I initially tried to post this blog yesterday, the computer I was at started freezing. Too much goodness for one monitor. I didn't force it and figured there was a reason.
Initially, this was just going to be a post about relationships. The advice my mother gave me that it was time, when looking for a serious relationship, to stop trying to push a square peg into a round hole. I've done a lot of forcing in my past. Very rarely, if ever, have the guys I met been a 'perfect' fit. Past relationships tended to need some maneuvering, and shifting, shaving down, even breaking in order to go through. It shouldn't be like that.
Then my day took a turn for the worse...
And I found myself asking this same exact question in regards to family members with explosive personalities. Clashing forces, one square and one round. There I was in the middle trying to shove one into the other, to find a middle ground and sense of peace to the situation, only for the tide to turn against the peacemaker. Even when you have the best intentions, sometimes it's best to just let a square be a square, a circle be a circle, and move the fuck on...
As we know from past posts, I'm a Jada/Will enthusiast. One day looking to truly define my future marriage as the ultimate power couple. I've posted many a blog about the Smith family, and they age like fine wine. Peep Jada on defining freedom as a woman, and watching Will become more introspective as a man. This is what a real relationship looks like.
So the fellow Blogger and Black Weblog Awards 2011 nominee, Goddess Intellect, invited me to come on the Menage a Talks blog radio show this past week. The conversation surrounded Weiner and the idea of if infidelity is ever acceptable. As we all know, I have opinions. I was in the convo for the first hour and a half. Heated discussion. Fun times! Enjoy... (oh there's cursing)
I went to the spa...
A 'you've done good' gift to myself, and warranted time for personal relaxation. From experience, I've ventured away from massages and have turned towards body scrubs. You get the same massage quality, with added exfoliation, different textures, leading to different sensations, and a shower that feels as though it rinses layers of your skin off. In the middle of my full body scrub, my mind drifted to thoughts of being touched.
As a human, we want to be touched. As a woman, with such unique feminine characteristics, I venture to say we need to be touched, especially if in a relationship. We need to be adored, felt wanted, and to be caressed. Naked, lying on this table, in a sheer state of relaxation it dawned on me how long it's been since I've been touched by another human being. Not a hug, but more.
Months seem to multiply. My last massage prior to today was one of many I received in Thailand. Sex, well again, the months have multiplied since the last time. There is something to simply being touched. A back rub. A kiss, in which he holds your face. A finger down your spine, giving enough remnants to know it was there. I miss being touched...
As my thoughts drifted further, and her hands drifted down to my feet, I was transported to a ghost of relationships past. I had an ex, who I only really saw on the weekends. Whether my week had been stressful or routine, at least one night each weekend, he would burn incense, play jazz music, and willingly (without my asking) massage my feet until I fell asleep. To this day, years and years after our relationship has ended, I still secretly thank him for that gesture. It spoke volumes.
There is something about being touched.
When you've spent so much time invested in someone else, in a relationship, and it comes to an end where does the love go?
It doesn't just evaporate into thin air. It doesn't just change. I am someone who lives in extremes, and even my emotions don't work like that.
It's sad, and amazng, how you can go from one day saying "I love you" at the end of every meeting or phone call- to all of a sudden ending in "Bye." Bye? What the hell is, bye? Bye is the beginning of the end. The new chapter has to commence, and the grievance of moving on starts to rear it's head.
Behind the mask, or the proverbial wall, that some people are skilled at erecting to hide their emotions, there is hurt behind there. When you give yourself a moment to feel it, and think, you know it's true.
I wasn't going to post anything online about the breakup. My new found awkward singleness. (ugh.) But last night I decided to write a status on Facebook addressing it in my own way (non-obnoxious like most) and here I am spilling guts on my blog. I consciously made the decision to do so because I was honest with myself for once. Truth is, there was a part of me that was ashamed we couldn't "make it". Part of me wanted to hide the fact that the man I love and I had to part. As if I wasn't adequate enough, or I hadn't worked hard enough to keep our relationship together. For some reason, I felt embarrassed about something I put every ounce of my energy into- hoping it would not get to this point. But it did, and that's ok.
Cleansing my emotions, also has me on the 3rd day of a juice fast. I felt it an appropriate time to cleanse every aspect of my mind and body.
I will never bash him. He's an amazing man. Yet, one cannot survive a relationship involving two people, while working for both. Timing, ambition, and a bit of self-centeredness were our demise, not lack of love.
So there it is. I have officially put it out into the Universe, I'm single. Yet, far from alone.
In my next steps, it's crucial to completely clear my plate off, before considering putting any food on it. One will not have room for the right one, if they are still hung up on the last one.
So, I'm entitled to a proud girlfriend moment every once in a while. And with this man, artist, natural talent Nelson Estevez I don't mind if I do. His new website is up and of course I have to support the other half that supports me. He's as funny as he is phenomenal in his craft. Diligent and on the man made path of his dreams, it's only a matter of time before the lid really blows. We got this!
Congrats on the new site, Nelson! Check him out at WWW.NELSONESTEVEZ.COM
PS. That was evierobbie media skills on the bio and reel. If you are in need, hit the contact tab!
I'm a runner. I very much focus on the future and what I could be building, creating, perfecting to make my dreams and obsessions come true. I think faster than the average individual, probably right on par with any New Yorker. We're sick.
It's always running to do so much, and sadly we dont learn to balance until we have no choice. Our minds or bodies shut down. For me it was my first full blown panic attack and I quickly learned how to say "No." Something I'd never done before, assuming I could assume every role that was brought my way. How silly we are.
What I find, in life, is that there are crucial, and many times life changing moments of pause. It's those times where you are in a place and time and you are so present that you chills. You may close your eyes, breathe in the air, give thanks to the higher power, what have you. But for some reason, you stop and you recognize the pause. I have to admit I live in New York and love it at times, but I don't find those pregnant pauses here.
Sea of Japan at our sunset drinking and talking party on the beach. 10 mins from my old apartment in Niigata, Japan.
It's when I'm abroad. I am so moved by life, when I travel that I have them so periodically, it scares me because it reinforces that New York will probably not be my home, for life. I want to live in a place that makes me feel that way, and makes me live life in a way, where I feel that daily. Maybe that's why I move around so much. The new beginnings. the new discoveries. The understanding that every new place brings about a new pause. Here are a few of my random moments of pause around the world. This is a very modified list.
Japanese Tea Ceremony Preparation
Photo shoot after different Japanese tea Ceremony
Oh stop...like you never have, or never wanted to...pssh!
Hello. My name is Evita. And I've been bullshitting...
Seriously. My writing as of lately has felt more like a document of events, than a real gut exposing release.
Skimming on the surface, with a few dips down to get my hair wet, but I haven't submerged myself in awhile. Even with my journal writing, the really good stuff that seldom goes past my eyes, I've been skating.
Usually this happens when I'm fighting something inside that really wants/needs to come out, or I simply haven't been struck with enough inspiration to open the flood gates.
I got a trigger last night.
So post-BGR, a friend of a friend was gracious enough to offer two of us a ride, one home in Brooklyn, and me to the Franklin stop for the 4-train. What started as a car full of five, ended in a car of four. The sexes were split right down the middle and the conversation turned to relationships/marriage.
First, I need to preface the wisdom by saying how much I miss intelligent, in-depth, experience infused conversations about things that matter. Last night we dove into politics, the education system, privatized prisons, generations coming up and how lost they are, etc...I get hype when in environments like that. My brain was stimulated, and even with the clocks pushed back, I was awake.
Then it hit...
Female: "You know what one of our problems is? We talk about marriage like it's an event. Like marriage is one day, the wedding, or the engagement. The elders don't talk about what it's like to not want to talk to your husband for a month. I want to know how to get through that shit."
Me: "And you live under the same roof."
Male: "Exactly, people have to work on their marriage every single day."
I understood that the car was moving, but my mind was stuck. If that wasnt one of the most poignant points of confusion in regards to marriage, then damn then I don't know what is. It was so true and so simple. My boyfriend, by the end of this year, will have gone to his umpteeth wedding and not saying it shouldn't have that type of emphasis, but everything is wrapped around that day, and I'm not sure how much thought has been put into what comes after. How do you deal with knowing you love your partner, but waking up one day and wanting to rearrange their face? How do you deal with the REAL day to day, influx of life as individuals and partners?
I read an interview with Lala post her reality tv wedding to Carmelo, and someone asked her how it feels to be married. Her response, "Exactly the same!"
Thank you Lala. I don't know who I may piss off with this next comment, but real talk, it should feel exactly the same. That day, with all it's glory (and I take nothing away from it) should not be the cataclismic change in your relationship. You should already be at the point, therefore affirming that this person is, indeed, the one.
As the conversation progressed, I revealed my own thoughts in where I am in my life. Truth be told, I'm scared right now. Evolving none the less. Scared because I am changing, and I feel it in my bones, and it's starting to shape my thoughts. Evita's priorities are beginning to change.
My mother told me one day, "Travel, see the world now! You are your only responsibility. One day you may wake up and want to have children, and get married." Younger Evita would have dismissed that comment, and burned it at the stake.
Present day Evita is like damn...she has a point. That scares me. I'm a proud, non-mid life crisis having twenty-six year old. I am in the center of the 'societal' age of wedding bands and babies. I have neither and I'm fine with that. But, my mind is morphing.
Morphing for most people is "Ok, I'm ready now." My morphing is more along the lines of "Ok, I may want this a few years down the line, so what steps do I have to take gradually to make sure that when it's right then, I'm prepared." No overnights here. But, again, the mere acknowledgment and thinking about it, scares me. Im glad it scares me. It should and it will make sure that it all happens in its own due time.
Well I don't know about you readers, but I sure as hell feel alot better getting that out...shit, I feel lighter.
